Mom Raging In-Laws Love Her Kids 'Too Much' Splits Views: 'Irrational'

A mother split opinions online after confessing that the love her in-laws have for her children is "too much" and irritates her.

The anonymous mom took to popular forum Mumsnet to express her concern over her in-laws and how they act towards her children, explaining that she doesn't get along with her husband's parents very well in the first place.

Although strong grandparent-grandchildren relationships are a desired aspect of many families, this mom expressed concern at just how much they love her children. "It's like my kids are the center of their universe. Everything is about them and they constantly want to see them at every opportunity," she began.

The mom shared that her in-laws frequently ask for photos of the children when they are apart, and she obliges. "Most of the time when I send something, they'll be some over the top concerned comment from my mother-in-law about something really minor in the picture. For example, oh this eye looks swollen or her hair looks pulled a bit tight, is she okay? Or if they have a minor illness, she has to get really involved and push me to get more tests done, even though I'm comfortable in whatever the doctors have told me," wrote the mom.

Grandmother and kids
Stock image of grandparent with her grandchildren cooking in the kitchen. A mother has confessed that the love her in-laws have for her children is "too much." Getty Images

The grandparents regularly show up unannounced at their home, including when their other grandparents are around, and swoop away the children to spend the day at their house instead. "My daughter gets excited because they set no boundaries for her there at all and she does what she wants there (another problem). And I just have to go along with it," wrote the mom

"The other day I was in the shower and my mom was round. They turned up, saying they'll take my daughter to their house.. my mom said to them she is uncomfortable to let them take her as she'd rather check with me first.. that didn't even cross their mind."

Her concern, she explained, lies in belief that her in-laws are attempting to influence the children's upbringing in an attempt to avoid them being too much like their mother. "I think they don't trust me ! We have quite different views on life and I think they want to make sure my kids spend as much time with them as possible so they can be less influenced by me," she wrote.

According to the mom, any time she has ever stood up for herself in these situations, her mother-in-law "shouts, screams and cries and calls me a bad person."

Controlling in-laws is a common dilemma faced by couples and one Newsweek recently spoke to experts about. Heather Lofton, a therapist at Northwestern University's Family Institute told Newsweek that signs of a controlling in-law include requesting personal information, imposing their presence at an inappropriate time and making demands or requests that feel uncomfortable to you.

Despite being a relatable issue for many, this anonymous mother's stance on her in-laws left users split with exactly how to feel. For some, it was a sheer overreaction, with many families wishing for such involved grandparents while others saw the behavior as controlling.

"The problem is that they are overbearing, too involved and too critical. Why does it fall on you to send pics? Why not their own son? I'd make him responsible for all that. If the mother-in-law makes a critical comment, call it out. If she says your daughter's hair is too tight, ask if she thinks you can't parent your children," recommended one user.

Grandmother and baby
Stock image of a grandmother and a baby. A mother's stance on her in-laws has left the internet split. Getty Images

Another however argued that "in the real world your thoughts about this would be considered irrational. Which you somewhat acknowledge yourself. Kids are not a possession that only a set of people should be able to love them most, which the measure of everyone else's love should stay below the level. It's not a competition.

"You need to figure this one out and let it go. Your kids are lucky to have grandparents so loving. That's their privilege and you trying to meddle is taking away from them."

The majority though were left equally split in their views, recognizing both sides of the dilemma.

"They do seem a bit out and the video stuff is weird. But seeing their grandchildren once a week doesn't seem excessive. You may find the more you try to keep them at arms length the more they push back," commented one user.

"My mom looked after my daughter at her house from an early age and has always enjoyed time with her alone as it's a different dynamic than when we are there too."

Another added: "Your in-laws sound a little out of line but honestly you sound a little irrational about it all too. Pictures and wanting to see grandkids are quite normal. Occasionally daughter-in-laws can get quite stroppy and take totally normal interactions as some big threat to them."