"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
President George Bush, touting his education-reform plans, and hoping he won't be tested later

"Our quarrel is not with the Iraqi people, who in many ways suffer under the yoke of Saddam Hussein."
British Prime Minister Tony Blair, on the need for sanctions that target the nation's leader, not its citizens

"They're going to wonder how you knew that, George." Blair, after President Bush joked about the two world leaders using the same toothpaste during their meeting last week

"It stinks to high heaven." Indiana Rep. Dan Burton, on reports that Hugh Rodham--Hillary Clinton's brother--accepted $400,000 to lobby President Clinton for pardons

"What's your brother up to these days?" Prince Charles, asking Bakar bin Laden about his terrorist brother Osama at a royal banquet

"Vice president of the government in exile." Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman, describing himself during an appearance in South Florida

"Unfortunately my husband is a vampire. But he's just the right man for me--he doesn't drink and he doesn't beat me." Lyudmila Putin, allegedly describing her husband--Russian President Vladimir--in a new book written by her best friend

"I think we were robbed." Producer of the Year Dr. Dre, on his protege, Eminem, being passed over for album of the year. Although Eminem took home three awards, the most prestigious honor went to veteran rockers Steely Dan.

"I miss my father, and I cried for him out of my own selfish pity. We just have to remember he's in a better place." Dale Earnhardt Jr., on the death of his racing-legend father during the Daytona 500

"I'm getting tired of [George Bush's] picture on the front page. He kisses everybody that gets within reach. I think it was because of his success with Oprah." Frequent presidential candidate and former senator Eugene McCarthy

"I like my flat little belly." Julia Roberts, on why she's not ready to settle down and have kids with boyfriend Benjamin Bratt

"If you see anyone here well-dressed tonight, it's a parking attendant." Joan Rivers, bemoaning this year's unexceptional Grammy fashions

"In due time." Serbian Justice Minister Vladan Batic, when asked whether Saturday's arrest of former secret-police chief Rade Markovic would lead to the arrest of Slobodan Milosevic. Markovic's alleged involvement in several political killings carries the possible penalty of death.