The internet has thrown its support behind a pregnant woman who doesn't want her husband in the delivery room.
In a post on the popular r/AmITheA**hole subreddit on Tuesday, confusedseaturtle explained that she knows it's unusual to not want her husband there for the birth of their child, but has her reasons.
It all started when her husband found out she was pregnant and responded negatively, becoming "mean and distant."
She wrote: "I found out three months ago I'm pregnant and my husband was not happy. He doesn't want me to not have the child but he's been really mean and distant since we learned we are expecting."
Feeling alone after her husband refused to get involved with the pregnancy, she reached out to a friend she met online for support.
She continued: "I have reached out to a friend I met online a lot and she has been a really great support but she lives in another country. After another awful conversation with my husband where I was crying because he said he wouldn't come with me to any ultrasounds and didn't care about the "pregnancy part" because it doesn't concern him, my online friend did something incredibly generous.
"She paid for me to have a doula who is essentially a non-medical support person regarding birth. She doesn't do any doctor stuff but she is a mental support for me and someone I can text anytime throughout the pregnancy and I can even have her at the birth if I want to help support me.
"I met her today and she is just such a warm, sweet, almost motherly figure. I really like her and she made me feel so much better about all of my worries and fears. She said she would come with me to the ultrasounds if I felt I need someone and I felt instant relief."
The Redditor had an instant rapport with the doula, and decided she'd rather have her by her side during labor than her husband. Although a doula's role isn't to replace a father during the delivery process, in OP's case, only one person is allowed in the room due to COVID. Unfortunately, her husband didn't take the news well.
She explained: "In my area we are currently only allowed one person as a support during delivery, I hope it changes by my due date but if it doesn't I think I want to ask her to be there instead of my husband. I didn't think he would care as he said he didn't want to be involved in most things but when I mentioned to him that maybe this person could be with me for delivery he got upset and said no."
Her husband also made it clear that he wants a boy, leaving the poster concerned about his reaction if the baby turns out to be a girl.
She said: "He told his brother what I said and his brother said I was a real piece of work and it would be an asshole move to not let my husband meet his son first, we don't know if we are having a son yet though. So I wonder if we have a daughter if maybe he won't be as upset I want someone else there.
"My friend who hired the doula said I should do whatever I need to but she doesn't fully understand because her husband is really sweet and would do literally anything for her which isn't really the norm but she doesn't know that. aita?"
The post has more than 12,000 upvotes and over 2,000 comments from concerned Redditors disgusted by her husband's behavior. They warned these are all signs of an abusive relationship, and that she needs to get herself and her child out of there as soon as possible.
Separate-Ad-9481 said: "With men like this they RESENT the baby, because your focus is no longer 100% on them. I can promise you that it will just get a lot worse once the baby arrives. I pray I'm wrong, but if not, then don't hesitate to call your local DV line for support and information. Remember that you're not alone."
micmeup commented: "NTA for letting a doula in the delivery room instead of your husband. YWBTA if you actually let this man raise a baby. I think your friend's husband is more common than you think and you have an opportunity right now to change the trajectory of this kid's life. I'm not saying he shouldn't be involved at all, but you should definitely think twice about this relationship."
Readers also begged her not to let go of the support system she has in her friend and the doula.
JuliaX1984 said: "NTA Your doula is not a stranger anymore. Don't sacrifice having the birth support person you want for a man who won't sacrifice a minute of his time for you."
Classroom_Visual: "Your husband isn't going to advocate for you and isn't going to support you - he's mad that pretty clear already. Stand your ground, this doula sounds amazing."
