Reason Woman Left Drunk Boyfriend and His Friends 'Stranded' Applauded

"A drunk mind speaks a sober heart" is a saying often attributed to French Enlightenment philosopher Jean-Jaques Rousseau, but, according to this boyfriend, it doesn't.

In a now-viral Reddit post, under the username u/Superbowldrunkbf, a woman explained that, as the designated driver, she left her boyfriend and his friends behind at a bar.

Her partner had said, "you should consider yourself lucky that I'm going home with you. I could go home with any woman here if I wanted to," while drunk in the bar.

Couple argument
A stock image of couple arguing on the sofa. A woman has turned to the internet for advice following an argument with her boyfriend who treated her differently when he was drunk. fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus

The girlfriend, 33, was "taken aback" so she left the venue without knowing he had told his two friends that she would drop them home. So, instead of calling a taxi, one of the men rang his wife, who woke their toddler, to pick them up.

The original poster wrote: "My boyfriend was furious when he came home and still is this morning. He slept on the couch and we had an argument before he left for work. He says I embarrassed him by just up and leaving. He vehemently denies saying what he did, doesn't recall getting handsy, and insists he wasn't "that drunk" last night."

Kristal DeSantis, who is a marriage and family therapist in Texas, told Newsweek how she saw the post, which has received 6,900 upvotes.

DeSantis, founder of the Austin STRONG: Relationship Building Center, uses the acronym REPAIR. It stands for remorse, empathy, perspective-taking, accountability, investigating steps forward, and repetition. DeSantis said all of these steps are key to a good apology.

  • Remorse: Even if you don't remember being a jerk, if your sober partner tells you your behavior while drunk hurt them in some way, own it. Expressing remorse is the first step to a good apology.
  • Empathy: Express empathy for what they went through due to your actions.
  • Perspective: Next, put yourself in their shoes. Listen to their perspective and try to understand what it was like for them without getting defensive. Ask what they need from you moving forward.
  • Accountability: Take some accountability for yourself. Do you need to stop drinking? Do you need to seek out therapy?
  • Investigating steps forward: Investigating why this happened and examining your relationship with alcohol will not only prevent situations like this from happening again, but you will also learn more about yourself and where and how you use alcohol as a coping mechanism.
  • Repetition: Finally, remember that apologies are not a one-and-done. If you are serious about repair, you need to continue to check in with your partner about your drinking. This can help to establish you as someone who is not pushing for quick forgiveness, but instead as someone who is committed to regaining their trust and respect.

What Do the Comments Say?

The original poster has since updated her post. She wrote that her boyfriend continued to deny the allegations, so they have split up.

More than 1,450 people have commented on the post, and the top comment has 17,000 upvotes.

It read: "Growing up with an alcoholic teaches you that what they say when they are drunk is what they really think all the time. Just now the filters are gone and they say it. Sick of people excusing drunk people [by] saying awful crap. The booze didn't create the words. The booze set them free."

Another comment read: "Exactly this. He can lie all he wants about not remembering (or genuinely not [remembering]), make excuses, and whine to get people to be on his side, but the truth is he meant what he said, the alcohol loosened his tongue. I've seen it countless times."

Another user wrote: "Strike 2 was volunteering [the poster] that she also had to drive 2 extra drunk dudes home. I can barely stand my loved ones when they're drunk. No way I want to deal with drunk acquaintances."

Newsweek reached out to u/Superbowldrunkbf for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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