Adopted Woman Backed Over Why She Wants Fiancé to Take a DNA test

A fiancé refusing to take a DNA test to prove he isn't related to his future wife has been slammed online.

In a viral post, u/Organic-Draft6504, states his fiancée, 26, was adopted and she fears they could be related after reading an article online. For peace of mind, she asked her 27-year-old partner to do a DNA test.

However, he has refused as he knows his parents were "faithful" to each other, therefore it isn't possible.

Couple arguing
A file photo of a couple in an argument and a woman swabbing her mouth. A fiancé has been slammed by the internet for refusing to take a DNA test to prove he isn't related to his adopted partner. PeopleImages / Jelena Stanojkovic/iStock/Getty Images Plus

Redditors have backed the partner and branded the original poster as "selfish," but a psychotherapist told Newsweek that compromising shouldn't benefit just one person in the relationship.

Explaining his story, the man states his fiancée read an article about an adopted couple who discovered they were biological siblings after six years of marriage.

He points out her biological mother was a prostitute and that their families lived in the same major city.

He said: "I think she's being ridiculous. I don't want to waste $200 on us getting tested. I don't want to have my DNA sitting in some database where it can be hacked into. I also don't want my data sitting on a website where anyone "connected to my tree" can find me. It weirds me out."

But that isn't the only reason he is uncomfortable, he also doesn't want his girlfriend to be upset by anything she finds out about her biological family.

Adoptions in the U.S. are declining, according to National Council for Adoption. In 2019, 115,353 children were adopted and the number fell to 95,306 children adopted in the U.S. in 2020, including step-parent adoptions.

The Redditor continued: "I also don't want half of my future kids genetic makeup sitting in some "confidential" corporate database.

"I told her all this, but she still brings it up. I may have crossed a line today when I told her she was being disrespectful of my family by indicating one of them may have abandoned their child," he wrote.

He concludes the post by asking Redditors if he is in the wrong for dissing her biological family and pointing out he still doesn't want any of them to do a DNA test.

'Speak Up and Discuss It'

Newsweek spoke to Lordia Lewis-Spencer, a U.K.-based psychotherapist, about the Reddit post, which has received 5,500 upvotes.

She said: "A healthy and balanced compromise is when the compromising 'change' supports you and your partner to become more authentic in the relationship and start growing towards being your best selves.

"When both of you understand that your compromise may experience some discomfort of change but is leading to happier individuals and ultimately a happier relationship.

"If your partner makes requests that you feel are unhealthy in agreeing on a compromise, I encourage you to speak up and discuss it. Ensure your voice is heard and your option is accounted for.

"In a healthy and balanced relationship, your connection and identity of who you are as an individual should be enhanced, not diminished, or disregarded."

What Do the Comments Say?

The popular post has 1,800 comments and other users have dubbed the partner an "a******".

The top comment has 18,000 upvotes, saying: "YTA... Dude you could just go to your medical provider, explain the situation and have them run a comparison. It's really not rocket science and the results don't need to be stored or skeletons unearthed, but it is an easy way to get the answer your future wife is after and [settle] her mind. As to the reasoning for the doc: We are thinking of having children and there is valid concern that we are related. Please have our DNA compared."

It seems the fiance is willing to take suggestions on board, as he responded: "I didn't realize this was an option, but it sounds like a good compromise if it isn't too expensive. I'll look into it."

"I totally understand not wanting to spend a lot of money, but like... What's the cash value of your fiancée's peace of mind?" asked another user.

Another person said: "YTA. I was going to go with NAH until I read your last stanza. That is plain mean man. You are insulting her birth parents even [though] she doesn't know much about them. Her concerns are also more severe than yours. How could she be feeling safe and happy with you with questions like that lurking in her head? This will definitely not blow over. You'd be wiser to give in."