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By Suzanne Blake
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A woman blocked her date after he paid for a $500 meal, but the Internet stands by her decision.
On Reddit, a woman posed a perplexing query. Was she in the wrong for blocking her date after he paid a whopping $500 check?
Redditors said not.
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The anonymous woman shared that she was asked out by a man and he asked her favorite restaurant.
"My favorite place is a bit much for a first date," the user wrote online. "But I still did tell him about it because, well, I thought he was cool and I truly love the place so I tell everyone about it so they'll go."
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The woman made sure to say for a first date, the two could go somewhere more casual, like another top spot with tequila and cheap tacos, she said.
"Ultimately, he wanted to pick," she wrote. "I was trying to be helpful and make suggestions."
The favorite restaurant originally mentioned usually costs around $500 for two people, but despite this, the man insisted this was where he wanted to take her for dinner.
"He really wanted to try it out," the Redditor wrote. "Of course, I agree. Despite the price point, it's actually a pretty chill spot."
The woman went on to say that she views first dates as inexpensive typically, but she didn't know if her date was in a different tax bracket and didn't mind the high prices of her favorite restaurant.
"We had a good time," she shared of the dinner that included appetizers, entrees, drinks and dessert. "This means we ran up a serious bill."
When the check arrived, the woman said she and the man did the "check dance."
"Of course since it's the first date, I say, 'Oh, separate checks,'" she said. "He also says separate checks, so cool, we're on the same page."
That's when things got tricky. The woman said she did hesitate and said it after her date since he had asked her out and insisted on the restaurant even after looking at the pricy menu.
When the separate checks come, both parties put their cards down.
"When our server comes back to grab them, he takes my card, gives her both the checks and says he's covering it all, and he looks at my card intensely," the Redditor wrote.
And then a weird comment came from the date: "Oh, I finally know your last name," the woman shared. But that's not even what bothered her most.
"It was the game he played," she wrote. "He invited me on a date, so I assumed he was paying. He then said separate checks, making sure I knew I was paying for myself. Then he grabbed the checks and said he's paying for it all, annoying the server and me.
"I feel like this was a real shit test to see if I would pony up to the $250," she added. "I felt like he was checking to see if I was a gold digger or something, even though I literally told him we shouldn't go there on a first date."
And how did the date end? The woman said thank you to her date for dinner, got in her Uber, left and blocked him.
"I told one of my friends the story today, laughing, and they told me I was actually the villain in the story," the woman said.
The Internet backed the woman, despite her friend's beliefs that she was in the wrong.
"His vibe made you feel uncomfortable. His actions showed that he plays games and oversteps boundaries. It doesn't sound like the right fit for you," one Reddit responder wrote.
"There is nothing wrong with telling him your favorite restaurant. There is nothing wrong with how much it costs. You showed you were in no way a gold digger trying to get him to pay for an expensive meal when you said you shouldn't go to that restaurant and again when you offered to pay."
Another person echoed this sentiment: "I don't tolerate 'tests' in relationships. The manipulation never stops and there's always another test."
What Do The Experts Say?
Dating experts agree the situation was strange, and the woman was valid for choosing to block her date after the credit card debacle.
"If a guy asks a girl out on a first date, he should pay the bill," Matt Furman, the owner Connection Copilot, told Newsweek. "If he asks for her restaurant recommendation, he can either take it or choose his own."
The red flags displayed in "testing" your first date were also glaring to dating experts and therapists alike, with some even calling it manipulative and narcissistic.
"Whether or not he was being malicious, he was playing games. Clearly, this is something he does, which is an indication of what is to be expected on a larger scale when dating this guy," Furman said.
Still, there were ways the woman could have avoided the exact situation in hindsight.
"The woman would have saved herself some awkwardness by simply suggesting that the less expensive tequila bar was her favorite restaurant," licensed psychologist Lauren Napolitano told Newsweek. "I think she put the man in a bind by suggesting that a very expensive spot was her favorite, perhaps making him feel obligated to impress her."
After this, Napolitano theorized that the man felt resentful the woman brought up the high-end spot in the first place.
"I think the man felt angry and financially exploited by her," Napolitano said. "He probably should have said 'wow, that sounds like a great spot to try in the future' but chose to meet her at the tequila bar."
In typical first dates, it pays to choose an inexpensive and casual spot, Napolitano said, as it keeps the stakes low and decreases any tension around who will pay.
"It put too much pressure on her date, who seemingly wanted to impress her," Napolitano said. "It made her anxious during the date, wondering how high the bill would run up."
Others suggest that the woman could have still given the man a chance to find out what he was actually thinking in the moment, despite her initial discomfort and concerns he was "testing" her.
"So many singles approach dating by looking for reasons that it won't work when they should be looking for reasons that it will work," Sandra Myers, a dating expert and co-founder of Select Date Society, told Newsweek. "In this case, we can't pretend to be mind readers and know what this guy was thinking.
"Sure, he could have been 'testing her' to see if she was a gold-digger. He could have also been thinking about advice he heard that you should always split the bill on a first date and then realized that was a mistake and quickly took action to correct it. Maybe the whole thing was a ploy to get her full name. The point is that she will never know what he was thinking because she jumped to conclusions and made a decision too quickly without truly getting to know him."
Still, others believe every date should have clear consent and boundaries, which the man violated by grabbing and peeking at her card. Another dating expert and matchmaker Sameera Sullivan said this behavior could indicate controlling tendencies on the man's part.
It wasn't just about paying the bill, she said. It's about respect for personal space and autonomy.
"Consent and boundaries are crucial in any interaction, and the man's action of grabbing her credit card without permission is a clear violation of personal boundaries," Sullivan told Newsweek.
At the end of the day, for observers, it's hard to know the man's intentions, and that's what ultimately upped the creep factor on the date. If the woman had asked, she might have clarity on what exactly took place during the date.
This reflects a larger problem with miscommunication in the dating world, and it isn't specific to just deciding who pays, dating experts say.
"What I want to tell these young people who are dating is, don't be afraid to speak up, call people out and just be honest," Jackie Pilossoph, the founder of Divorced Girl Smiling, told Newsweek. "Then you don't have to wonder."
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