Mom Explaining Why She Kicked Out Her Son's Girlfriend Sparks Fury
A mom has turned to the internet for advice after a row over filling a water bottle blew up into a confrontation with her son's girlfriend.
In a viral Reddit post, u/throwawayDILwater, 52, explains she has three sons aged 13 to 20. She said the eldest has a girlfriend, 19, who is at their home more often than not. Recently, her presence has been getting on the mom's nerves, and on March 10, she reached the end of her tether.
Explaining the situation, the mom states their tap water has a "weird aftertaste" so she orders gallons of bottled water.
"It is not cheap to get water and other groceries delivered, so I tell my sons, husband, and the girlfriend to be courteous of the other people who live here and not use up the water, as it runs out fast in our big household," she said.
Last week, the mom "caught" the girlfriend filling up a large water bottle which is when a row erupted.
She said: "I calmly told her that other people live here, too, and she shouldn't hog the water all to herself. She was rather short with me and said something along the lines of: "Actually, this water bottle is big enough to hold all the water someone should be drinking in a day. I'm not hogging water, I'm just trying to stay hydrated."
"I found her tone to be disrespectful and ordered her to leave. She scoffed and went back to my son's room. That's when I really got frustrated. I opened their door and told her she has to leave. My son got really angry with me and told me that my girlfriend didn't do anything wrong and why is it a crime for her to drink water. I explained that I order this water for our family to use, not leeches who hang around all day rent-free. My son's girlfriend got a little teary-eyed and left the room and out the front door without saying anything," she said.
She concludes her story by calling the girlfriend "wasteful" and a "brat" but she has since edited the post with a positive update.
'No One Likes Feeling Pushed Out'
Sarah Bishop, a clinical psychologist based in Birmingham, U.K., spoke to Newsweek about the Reddit post that has 15,600 votes.
She said: "Mothers are often used to being the most significant female in their son's life. It can be hard adjusting when there is another woman who seems to have taken this place. A daughter-in-law can leave mothers feeling less "needed"; like they have less of a role to play.
"This perceived loss of role is an ego blow; especially when often much of the mother's life has been dedicated to the role.
"We see complex dynamics in families when the resentment and sense of loss that these perceptions cause are acted out; often towards the daughter-in-law."
Bishop states it is important for mothers-in-law to remember "they will always be a mother".
She continued: "Bear in mind that often the more you push yourself into a friendship or the more you resist a change that is inevitably occurring the less receptive the other parties may become to incorporating you into their worlds.
"It is important to set boundaries and expectations within a household but it's equally important to discuss these openly and with opportunity for adjustment and compromise in order to foster the kind of healthy, functional relationships that you hope for within the family home.
"I would encourage compassion for all parties. No one likes being the newbie and no one likes feeling pushed out. Sometimes having these conversations early on can help lay the foundations to manage trickier conversations further down the line."
'This Is Not Normal'
Over 4,500 people have responded to the viral post and the top comment alone has 35,400 votes.
An excerpt from it said: "The fact is that you're 52 and she's 19, and as the owner of your house, you need to be the one who communicates your desires clearly, not passive-aggressively. You're trying to play both sides by subtly driving her away with your antagonism while also not giving your son cause to be angry with you.
"The absolute kindest way I can put this is that what you're doing right now is reactionary communication instead of preemptive communication. You clearly have a problem with this girl and everybody knows it. By being passive-aggressive and at times openly hostile to her in order to drive her away, you're disrespecting your son's choice and trying to impose your will on him. This isn't about the water: it's about you wanting her out of your house, and because you're not clearly putting down boundaries, these little things are adding up and blowing over."
"Imagine having to ask your host if it's okay to drink some water. This is not normal," said another.
The mom has returned to the post to thank all of the Redditors who took the time to comment. She also states their feedback has bettered the situation as she has realized the problem isn't the girlfriend, it is her. She has since apologized and plans to change her attitude toward her son's relationship.
Newsweek reached out to u/throwawayDILwater for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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