'Two Point Hospital' Review: Charming, Addicting and Terrifying

8.5/10 (PC)

You just opened your first hospital and everything is going smoothly. Patients who believe they are rockstars get the right psychiatric evaluation and those with metal pans glued to their heads find their way to your giant magnet. Then, all of a sudden, a patient with a 75 percent chance to survive passes away and you're stuck with a ghost in the pharmacy. You'll have to hire a janitor with ghost-hunting as a skill to keep the specter from scaring your patients. This is all in a day's work at Two Point Hospital.

Two Point Hospital
Start with nothing, build an empire (of hospitals) Two Point

The spiritual successor to the 90s' classic Theme Hospital, Two Point Hospital is a beautifully made simulator. Created by Two Point Studios and published by Sega, it's a nostalgic look with a comical spin all it's own. Like most simulators, you start off with a tiny space, build rooms and hire employees while your reputation grows (as long as your patients survive.) As you succeed, you'll unlock new plots of land, diseases to cure and reporters to impress as they come by to write reviews. It's all about finding a balance between employee happiness and fiscal austerity.

Zoo Tycoon was my game of choice back in middle school, creating hot dog stands to feed my guests and benches to keep them from getting tired. Two Point Hospital brought me straight back to those days, though I no longer go out of my way to put my guests in danger. Either that's because I've matured over two decades or because hospitals don't have tigers to feed.

Keeping your staff happy is crucial to success in Two Point Hospital . If you overwork your doctors and force them to diagnosis for days on end, they will get angry and quit. Each member of your team can have a special skill, so if you lose your only doctor who understands psychiatry, you'll have a full waiting room of angry NPCs with curable, inflated egos. Figuring out how to properly balance my minions took awhile and even after hours of gameplay, I still pissed off a nurse who just wanted to go to the bathroom. Sorry Lydia, it was either you or another general practitioner's office.

Two Point
I really like this game. Two Point

Two Point Hospital has a sick, depraved sense of humor. It's perfect. The radio DJs play melodic tunes while you decide the fates of the employees and patients under your care. To keep the energy going, they'll jump in with a quick quip in between songs. I wouldn't want to go on this journey without them or their need for constant approval. There's also the ailments themselves, that range from needing to exercise more to having your head turn into a literal lightbulb that needs to be unscrewed. The game holds nothing back, lightening the mood in a hospital, which can be one of the most depressing places you'll ever be.

If you're a fan of simulator games or just want something you can mindlessly play for hours, Two Point Hospital is perfect for you. I expected to play for maybe 20 minutes and lost multiple (real life) days to my crew.

Two Point Hospital is available on Steam for $35, but there are cheaper deals online.