'A**hole Rooster' Looking for New Home: Michigan Woman Posts Brutally Honest Facebook Ad

Some people are desperate for their teenaged children to flee the nest. But this woman really wants to rid herself of her “asshole rooster.”

Denell McCaul from Clarksville, Michigan, posted a desperate—and hilarious—Facebook plea for anyone to rescue her from her clucking nightmare. In fact, she’s willing to give away the rooster for free.

“At this point I don’t give a shit what kind of home this inconsiderate jerk goes to: ASSHOLE ROOSTER,” McCaul wrote July 26.

The rooster’s crimes? Waking up its owner every morning at 5.30 a.m.

“He's the perfect rooster if your alarm is broken and you need to be awake at 5:30 a.m. That is his only setting, 5:30. He has no snooze button but will be quiet just long enough for you to fall back to sleep and then he'll start back up with his obnoxious cock-a-doodle-doing right outside of your windows,” writes McCaul.

“It's like he knows where you sleep and can zone in on that particular window so maybe he has some sort of special X-ray vision where he can see sleeping people behind walls.”

If you happen to be in the market for a new rooster alarm clock, you’ll be happy to know that McCaul’s pet rooster is also a dance instructor—though she does not provide proof of his exact qualifications.

“He is also a perfect rooster if you want to start running... around your yard... while you're trying to get away from him,” the despaired owner writes. “He no longer goes after me as he is also an instructor of interpretive dance. Or at least that's what I imagine it looked like as I went after him flapping my arms, jumping up and down, kicking at him, yelling and screaming, and swinging a mop in his direction.”

To recap: “If you're looking for an alarm clock with the only setting being 5:30 a.m., a personal trainer and a dance instructor, I have the perfect rooster that is able to fill all three of those positions FOR FREE! But you're coming out to catch this asshole, I want to see your first interpretive dance lesson.”

Sounds like an irrefusable offer to me.