The Senator Says He's Willing to Wear the Bib as Long as You Put His Little American Flag Pin On It

Members of Congress--they're just like us! Sure, they look effortlessly groomed and wrinkle-free when you see them on TV, but in real life, they're total slobs. Take Jim Webb. On Tuesday morning, just hours before he delivered the Democratic response to President Bush's State of the Union Message, the freshman senator from Virginia was forced to make a unscheduled wardrobe change when he dumped a cup of coffee on his shirt. Ditto for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who had to change suits at the last minute after she dribbled chocolate ice cream on her jacket ("That's why she's not in camel tonight," CNN's Paula Zahn helpfully noted during their coverage of the speech on Tuesday night). Now comes word that John McCain had a little mess of his own before the speech. The Washington Times reports this morning that the 2008 GOP presidential hopeful spilled food on his tie just moments before Bush's speech. Rushed for time, McCain borrowed a yellow tie from a young staffer in the Senate cloakroom. The paper, citing "sources close to the tie," says McCain returned the cravat promptly after the speech "without further food stains." Memo to Procter & Gamble: maybe you should work in a free sample of those Tide to Go instant stain removing pens into your lobbying strategy on Capitol Hill.

Of course, there's an easier solution: Lawmakers could take a cue from their elderly constituents in Boca and Palm Desert and tie on giant bibs when they sit down for the early-bird special at the Senate Dining Room. They could even embroider logos on the bibs to give them some good-humored flair. Imagine the admiring looks Pelosi would get when she arrived for lunch in her NOT YOUR DADDY'S SPEAKER bib. McCain, always the jokester, would crack everyone up with his I'M WITH STUPID bib. And former Marine Jim Webb's YES, I'M GOING TO FINISH THOSE FRENCH FRIES, AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS TOUCH THEM I SWEAR I WILL TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD AND USE YOUR LIMP, LIFELESS BODY AS A DOORMAT bib would send a strong symbolic message to a divided nation that you shouldn't go near his fries.