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By Jack Beresford
Senior Reporter
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A single, childfree woman has hit back at the suggestion people like her should be a constant source of support to mothers facing the challenge of parenthood.
The number of U.S. adults under the age of 50 who are without children and unlikely to have children is on the rise. According to a Pew Research Center survey, the percentage of childless adults in this age bracket in the U.S. has risen from 37 percent in 2018 to 47 percent in 2023.
Women under the age of 50 who said they were choosing to not have children were more likely than men to say they simply did not want to (64 percent vs. 50 percent of men in this group).
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Angela Gentile is someone who has chosen not to have children. She regularly posts to TikTok under the handle @theangelagentile detailing her experiences as a single and childfree woman.
In response to a comment posted on one of her videos which said, "mothers need support especially from our single friends," Gentile replied, saying: "Please stop asking for support from single, childfree women." Since the video was posted in January, it has received over 100,000 views and 13,000 likes.
Gentile told Newsweek her mission is to "normalize" the idea of being a single, childfree woman but with the crucial caveat that it is "just one way of living life."
"Being childfree isn't about being 'better than' anyone—it's about asking to be seen as whole," Gentile said. "It's about wanting our life choices or circumstances to be just as valid, not treated like a cosmic accident or moral failure."
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Her content is also about dispelling the myth that a life without kids is "one big freakin' party."
"I wish I could say I was living a life like Samantha from Sex and the City, but I, too, am in this capitalist hellscape working multiple jobs to do this life alone," she said.
"I think lots of times people revert to their own experiences being single, often when they were in their 20s. I mean, weren't we all a hot mess in our 20s? So, often what lacks is a perspective that just as parents grow out of that phase, so do childfree people."
Her life now is one full of exactly the same challenges parents face as they get older, whether it be illness, mortgages, ageing parents or the general stress of adulthood.
Kids or not, to Gentile, we are all "ships in the same storm experiencing the pressures of life." But while she is happy to toss a life preserver to anyone who may be struggling, she rejects the notion that single, childfree women like her are bound by duty to help moms.
"Single and childfree women are not the catch all for support for mothers," Gentile said. "Assuming that we are, or even worse expecting that we are, puts this unnecessary 'us/them/better than you' hierarchy that shuts down connection. Putting women down or thinking that they are less valuable, less busy, less burnt out or available to take care of responsibilities that are not theirs, over the men who made the baby too, is entitled."
It's a topic Gentile found herself returning to after someone commented on one of her TikTok videos that "mothers need support especially from our single friends."
Responding to the notion that "it takes a village to raise" a child, Gentile countered that "a village requires reciprocity."
"Although some women do not have kids, it doesn't mean they aren't giving already, paying taxes, teaching or mentoring in some other way besides changing diapers," Gentile said. "We are burnt out and tired, too, and often isolated. Our burnout is difficult in different ways and we are struggling to give. I work four jobs to be able to pay bills alone. I am tapped out and overwhelmed."
The way she sees it, it often feels like there is an assumption that women in her position "have an endless amount of free time to give and give, both emotional and physical labor." Yet, the reality is that single, childfree women, like those with kids, are simply "struggling to survive."
So why has Gentile's stance proved a source of contention to some on social media? She puts it down to the fact she has adopted a lifestyle that goes against societal norms and "anything that challenges the status quo tends to get scrutinized, especially when it comes from a woman."
She cites the example of how single, childfree men are treated differently. "Men get those free passes and accolades with a bachelor lifestyle and are rarely expected to do emotional labor," she said. To Gentile's way of thinking, it's rare that you see a single man reminded that "it takes a village."
That's not to say she doesn't show up for her friends, jt is just that that she believes that support needs to go both ways. "If I can do something that makes their life easier or more joyful, then I will 100,000 percent," Gentile said. "But, for the relationships that can't fit me in and treat me the same way, I am just not available."
Gentile isn't trying to criticize moms for seeking help though, she's trying to foster a better understanding of the idea there are multiple ways to enjoy a happy and fulfilling life and each comes with the same pitfalls and challenges.
"Kids, marriage and the status quo are not the end all be all of joy," she said. "There are so many ways to find joy and love and connection. And if we created more space and emotional bandwidth to support people no matter what they choose and celebrate all the wins and moments in life, I think we would be more connected and uplifted as humans."
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