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By Maria Morava
Relationships Reporter
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In a world where relationships often take center stage in defining personal happiness, one woman has a new narrative.
Alexa V., 29, shared her resistance to societal norms about relationships in a viral TikTok video. The clip, which has received nearly 100,000 views, is resonating as a refreshing take on self-love over expectations about long-term partnerships. Alexa spoke to Newsweek about how she arrived at this resolution—and about her advice for others facing similar struggles.
"Something that has really helped me stop being so obsessed with wanting to be in a relationship is realizing that pretty much every single person that is in a relationship is not even living the life that I want to live," Alexa said in the TikTok video. "Being in a relationship is like, the most uninteresting thing about you."
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Despite the resoluteness of her words, Alexa told Newsweek that her revelation wasn't immediate; it was the result of long-term inner work.
"It took a lot of hard and honest conversations with myself...for several years to come to this realization," she said. "Hearing friends and family talk about their own relationship struggles made me realize that getting into a relationship is not going to magically solve all of my problems or make my life perfect."
Questioning Societal Conditioning
For Alexa, this journey also meant confronting deeply ingrained societal expectations.
From what she calls "princess programming" influenced by Disney movies to the pervasive notion that women should marry and have children by a certain age, she said she had to dismantle these beliefs to chart her own path.
"From the time we're little, it is ingrained in us that when we grow up, we should get married and have kids—key word being 'should*,'*" Alexa said. "Starting to ask myself questions was what allowed me to form my own beliefs about relationships, marriage and kids, versus going along with what everyone else does because it's what we 'should' do as a society."
Alexa said her new mindset has ultimately brought her a sense of peace and happiness.
"There was a point where I was obsessed with getting into a relationship, letting these thoughts run my life," she said. "Now that I've let go of that need, I find that I'm much more open to new opportunities and experiences."
Interestingly, she noticed that letting go of the obsession with relationships has even led to more romantic attention: "More men have been pursuing me now than when I was actually craving being in a relationship!" she said.
But for her, the most significant change has been the cultivation of self-love.
"I no longer seek validation from men," she said. "I feel the most confident I ever have in my entire life because I now realize that whether or not I'm in a relationship, I am fully responsible for my own emotions and how I feel about myself."
Her Advice for Others
Alexa encouraged others to take a step back and reflect on their true desires.
"You have two options: either conform to what everyone else is doing because you are too afraid to follow your own heart—and most likely end up resenting yourself and your partner in the future—or follow your soul's path and live life on your own timeline, even if that means going against the grain," she said.
Her advice is simple yet powerful: "There is no rush. You have time. Do what feels best for you, even if it goes against the grain. We only have one life, and we owe it to ourselves to live a life that we love*.*"
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