Spouse Slammed Over Why They're Trying To Ban Husband From Friend's Funeral

A woman has been dragged for telling her husband that he cannot attend his best friend's funeral because she has been excluded.

In a post on Reddit's r/AmITheA****** forum, user u/R3245234 explained the situation.

"My husband's friend Joe passed away after a long struggle with cancer," she said. "I was obviously devastated by this loss, we were good friends but I'm admittedly not on good terms with his widow. I can't pinpoint what the exact issue is between us. All I can say is that we don't get along."

The women had a particularly big blow-up when the poster shared health updates on social media about Joe.

Funeral and couple argue
A file photo of a family comforting each other at a funeral, left, and a picture of a couple arguing, right. Urilux/Wavebreakmedia/Getty Images

"I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends, but she clearly had an issue with it. She called me names then blocked me," said the woman.

With Joe's funeral in two days, the woman discovered she had been excluded from proceedings.

"My husband is still going which I found unfair and quite devastating. I didn't wanna miss Joe's funeral but can't do anything about it now. I did tell my husband that I expect him to stay home and not go after I got excluded," explained the woman. "He snapped and said what I was expecting was unfair and that whatever 'petty' fight between me and Joe's widow was none of his concern."

Trained sex and relationship therapist Rhian Kivits told Newsweek: "It can be hurtful to be deliberately excluded from an important occasion like a funeral. The wife may feel that if her husband attends the funeral he will be condoning their friends' widow's poor treatment of her, and this undermines the sense of unity in their marriage. The wife expects her husband's support, and that's understandable."

But the couple are now not speaking as a result of the fight, and the woman took to the internet to ask if she was wrong to expect her husband to stay home.

In over 2,400 comments, Redditors dragged the woman for expecting her husband to miss his friend's funeral because of her fight.

"I'd be furious too if a non-relative posted health updates about my husband on social media without asking either of us first. Someone's personal health struggles aren't your issues to use to get clout or sympathy," said one Reddit user. "The funeral isn't about you. It's about the family and what THEY need, not what you want."

Another reply said: "This is not about you OP, it's about your husband's friend, keep your own petty issues out of this."

"Stop creating beef with a widow," another commenter agreed.

But should people ever be excluded from a funeral? Kivits explained that it is sometimes sadly a good idea. "While it's not ideal to exclude people from a funeral, the reality is that if there's the risk of a bad atmosphere or even a conflict that could sabotage the occasion, it is sometimes a good idea," she said. "The most important people at the funeral are the deceased person's next of kin—their closest family members—and it's important that they get the chance to grieve and say goodbye in peace."

Meanwhile, the emotions that circulate after a death are the perfect breeding ground for conflict and heated arguments, explained Kivits.

"It is more common for arguments to become heated around a death. Grief and loss are very raw emotions and people can become highly sensitive when they are bereaved," she said. "People can be quicker to snap and strong opinions can be expressed when emotions are heightened, and they're overcome by grief."

Newsweek reached out to u/R3245234 for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.

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