Spouse's Reason for Kicking Out Stepson and Rejecting His Apology Backed

By Leonie Helm On 2/13/23 at 4:39 AM EST

Family & Parenting Parenting Marijuana Weed Teenagers

A stepmom in Canada has asked Reddit if she is the a****** for kicking her 18-year-old stepson out of her house for smoking weed in the house.

She explained that although she didn't want Sean in her house, it was more convenient than his mother's house for school. "He isn't a bad kid, " she said. "He does his chores and keeps to himself mostly. He had some trouble with staying up late and being disruptive when he got here last summer but we got that sorted out."

She went on to say that she and her husband have a 3-year-old daughter with whom Sean is friendly. However, he smokes so much weed in his room that she is surprised he isn't falling out of school.

Teenager smoking — Stock image of a teenager smoking marijuana. Canada legalized access to marijuana in 2018. Motortion/Getty Images

The government of Canada legalized access to cannabis on October 17, 2018. Adults can now possess up to 30 grams of legally produced cannabis.

She described the her three main issues with smoking weed in the house:

"My daughter doesn't need to get a contact high.
"It stinks.
"He has the window open so we are paying to heat up the house constantly."

After apologizing and abstaining for two weeks, he then did it again and the stepmom and homeowner moved all his belongings to his mother's house, She changed the locks causing Sean to get very angry and subsequently move in with his is uncle. She finished by saying: "My husband is on my side since Sean broke our agreement. His mother is salty about having to come into town. And Sean is begging me to let him come back."

Ruth E. Freeman, founder and president at Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, told Newsweek that when you choose to marry someone, it's important to chose their children as well.

"If this were her biological daughter at 18, would she be saying the same thing?" she asked. "Sadly before getting married bio and stepparents tend not to sit down and talk clearly about their expectations regarding co-parenting and exactly how the children from a previous marriage will belong and be treated. Stepmom describes an adolescent who is contributing to the family by helping out with his younger sister and who looked for ways to accommodate the smoking problem by using edibles. He has done this imperfectly and slipped on his agreement. We might guess here, or at least hope, that father is giving into stepmom more than wanting to actually send his son away.

"Many bio parents get caught between partners and children and this is likely one of those scenarios where father is doing what seems logical but hopefully feels enormous remorse at this dramatic consequence.

"The knee-jerk response of a consequence is how many parents solve difficulties, but this one is too extreme and punishment rarely helps in the long run. This situation is certainly serious and the parents deserve to feel safe in their house, however there should ideally be more attempts at problem solving before such an extreme measure is enacted. Before kicking a child out of the house parents may want to engage in family therapy to find solutions to this one issue. Having a teen live in your house and having only one challenging behavior is actually a pretty good record and doesn't justify eviction. In my opinion, the parents' concern is certainly valid, but the consequence is far too extreme.

"When you marry someone with a child, you need to be ready to support your partner to support that child and a young man attending college who displays one challenging behavior and in other ways is a positive member of the household deserves much more support than is evidenced by this family."

Users on Reddit voted that the step-mom was not the a******.

VibrantSunsets pointed out that, "There are many dorms that will kick you out first offense when you're caught smoking in the dorms."

JerseyKeebs agreed but said: "Smoking would still be a deal breaker for me, but she kicked him out with no notice, moving his stuff without permission, didn't even appear to consult her husband. Kid came home to find himself locked out of the house? That's cold."

Millyrockiner said, "You didn't want him there anyway so the weed was a convenient excuse. He broke the rules but you aren't being completely honest with your motives."