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By Lucy Notarantonio
Senior Reporter
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A Massachusetts mom has ignited a debate online about domestic labor in modern marriages after sharing a list of things she doesn't do for her husband.
The TikTok video shared by Paige Turner (@sheisapaigeturner), an operations manager, has garnered more than 4 million views and over 404,000 likes.
In the video, the 34-year-old outlines the tasks she refuses to do for her husband, including packing his lunch, doing his laundry, arranging his doctor appointments, packing his clothes for vacation, and scheduling his haircuts.
Read More on Relationships
Turner told Newsweek in an interview about her motivation for the video: "I was responding to a comment about acts of kindness, and I believe there is a difference between acts of kindness and chores/domestic tasks."
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The mom-of-four added a screenshot of the comment to the video. It read: "What you're essentially saying is never do any acts of kindness for your partner. If you're in a healthy relationship your man should be doing these things with you/for you and not expecting it from u [you]."
Turner disagreed with this sentiment, saying in her video, "It is not in my job description to do all the domestic labor and receive nothing in return."
Turner ended the video by saying, "I am not my husband's personal secretary or his personal assistant, I am his equal."
The video has sparked a divided response among TikTok users. While some viewers support Turner's stance on equality in domestic labor, others believe that performing these tasks is part of being in a loving relationship.
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Turner told Newsweek: "I knew there would be people who did not agree, but the ways in which they disagree has been eye-opening. Many believe having a wife means that she does all of the laundry, cooking, etc.
"I am also always surprised by how many assume I am a stay-at-home mom when I work full-time," she added.
Studies support Turner's observations, indicating that women with children and male partners tend to do more housework than their single or cohabiting counterparts. A 2023 study of 5,152 U.S. adults by the Pew Research Center found that even as wives in heterosexual relationships have started outearning their spouses, they are still doing more of the care and housework while their husbands have more leisure time.
The findings, which compile data from the past five years, show that wives in dual-earner marriages spend more time on household chores and caregiving than their husbands, even when they earn more or are the primary breadwinners.
"I think our society has very clearly outlined gender roles that have shaped the way we view ourselves in terms of heteronormative relationships. This plays into people believing women should do the laundry," Turner told Newsweek.
TikTok Reacts
The popular video has received more than 17,000 comments since it was posted on May 8, sparking a divisive response across the internet.
"How things have changed. My grandmother is rolling over in her grave....... I would do anything for my husband. He is my king!!" wrote one user.
Another posted: "Times have changed for sure. I take pride in doing all of those things for my husband. In fact, I'll do it for my grown children too!"
A third user commented: "Sounds like you're his wife not his mom. Love this for you queen."
A fourth added: "Preach. Parentifying your spouse is such a turn off."
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