Today in Tabs: Heironymus Tab

Hell has some sweet-ass new 'Vettes today. National Corvette Museum, via AP

Barbie has a Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover, which certainly is the reductio ad absurdum of something. Instead of that nonsense, read what the 1981 Lego ad girl has to say now that she's all grown up (also ban gendered toys forever). Tim Armstrong interviewed a 10 year old girl on stage at AOL's Makers conference and managed not to fire her or blame her for his company's poor performance. No, no one can have it all, stop writing this headline. Boys, Ranked.

Today in Hell and Butts: Someone transcribed the butt music from Hieronymus Bosch's hell, which is apparently the "Dancing Alone to Pony" of 16th century Dutch paintings. Olympic skiers have also "got booties. I've spent 28 years squatting in that squat position, and I'm really proud of it." And I don't know if Heaven has any new angels, but Hell has some sweet-ass new 'Vettes today.

This breakup done entirely in movie titles is more charming than it has any right to be. (via Vulture) Also clever: encrypts and decrypts to/from copy-pastable black bars.

Probably Because it's February: Twitter plans to suck. Flappy bird think pieces forever. Snapchat hacked (again). Language ruined. Weather awful. Costas diseased. Everything broken. Please send help.

Episode IV: A New Hope: At least Mexico is banning some stupid names. Flickr turned ten, and yeah Yahoo killed it and it will never return, but at least we'll always have Mat Honan's amazing story about how that happened (via deep tabs/2012). At least snowboarding is still awesome. At least we can finally figure out what bird that is. At least we found all the puppies.

You know what? Skip everything else and just go read Dirtbag Hamlet. The rest of your day will be awesome.

Today's Shameless Self-Promotion: Me in the New Yorker on Swartz, Manning, Snowden, and Scrooge

Today's Song: I listened to Bacon Pancakes the entire time I was writing this. That's probably why tabs is so short today.

~Bacon pancakes, making bacon pancakes, tab some bacon and I'll put it in a pancake~

Bacon Newsweek that's what it's gonna make, bacon e-maaaaiiiiillll. @Rustyk5 making bacon pancakes, take some bacon and I'll put