Today in Tabs: Vox Tabuli

Applying to Amtrak's residency program for writers Mike Blake/Reuters

And as always, literally all the ACTUAL FACTS of the story are obscured by tech media corruption, lies, infighting and bullshit.

— shanley (@shanley) March 10, 2014

So Techcrunch was all "Google Ventures pulled it's $100k stake in Bustle because Bryan Goldberg is a human tab!" ('grats on that url slug by the way, well played). But then Sarah Lacy at Pando was like "Nuh uh! Goldberg bought out Google Ventures! and also good job not disclosing that MG Siegler used to work for Techcruch!" while she was simultaneously not disclosing that Bryan Goldberg writes for Pando whenever he feels like it. And then Business Insider stepped in to dish on what really happened, according to gossip at SXSW which consists of an insidery nonsense-parade of startup and VC jello-wrestling. Lost in all of this is the fact that $100,000 is nothing to the male-owned and male-funded Bustle, but would mean life to one of the numerous new woman-owned media properties. It's Monday, and that means we still loathe both the tech press and the venture capital system!

Other White Boys With Websites: Ezra Klein's "Project X" sort-of-launched last night. It's going to be called Vox, apparently, like Vox Media, Klein's new parent company and the parent of Sportsblogs and the Verge among others. So that's a lot of brand eggs to put in one blogger... basket? That sentence went terribly wrong, I'm sorry. Anyway, parallel one-man-brand Nate Silver's new FiveThirtyEight is launching March 17th. There's a whole fox and hedgehog thing going on between the two of them but I can't keep it straight at all. Meanwhile NYMag has an interview with the new Matt Taibbi, who eats scrambled eggs in a way that's narratively revealing of his newfound seriousness and concern for detail, as befits his upcoming First Look media project. And finally soon-to-be former Gawker editor John Cook is also on his way to First Look, where he will presumably not have to crowdsource his media purchases anymore. All I can say is, white men sure are having an easy time obtaining media funding!


Who's Not Tired of Satoshi Nakamoto Yet? No one, that's who. Let's get through this quickly, huh? The NYT finally got on board the story Friday. Dorian Nakamoto testified at a Temple City City Council meeting on March 4th, if you're ineterested in hearing him speak. Mallory Ortberg identifies a huge loose thread, when she asks what about the trains? Felix Salmon followed up his first Nakamoto article with a second, more skeptical one that makes a couple of good points about how the article could have been structured differently but consists mostly of tone-policing about how Goodman is "a proud journalist, who gets personally offended whenever anybody raises questions about her journalism," and how Newsweek should have "conducted its investigation openly," asking for help from the "Bitcoin community" of 30-33 year old white males that is currently threatening to murder its reporter. The quotes in Goodman's article that have been so casually dismissed by critics, however, were all confirmed by the police who were present. Whether you believe Dorian Nakamoto is Satoshi or not, though, I'm sure we can all find common ground in the fact that Michael Wolff always has the dumbest thing to say.

the five stages of grief.
1. anger
2. frustration
3. fistula
4. teeth inversion
5. ice world

— Farty FcMly (@egg_dog) March 5, 2014

Elsewhere Today in Bitcoin: MT. Gox CEO Mark Karpeles was hacked, and the hackers allege that he's lying about being out of money. And finally, a bitcoin-based Ponzi scheme shut down yesterday with the apparent loss of all depositor funds. I would be more sympathetic to anyone who lost money if it weren't literally called PonziCoin. If I need to say it again: Bitcoin enthusiasts are the biggest rubes on the planet and will beg you to rob and fleece them and then tip you handsomely when you have done so.

Updates: Penguins don't need sweaters, I'm sorry for my part in this, everything is a hoax. How to apply for your Amtrak residency. Welcome to the secret internet everyone, I think we're all cool now? "SXSW is over" is a statement that has been true since 2006. True Detective is also over and Emily Nussbaum didn't like it much, and neither did Alyssa Rosenberg at the Post. In short: if you wanted really good television why aren't you watching Les Revenants? Jess Zimmerman and Grendan's close-read of the True Detective open credits is worth a visit though. Does anyone wear monocles? No, of course they don't. But the Times keeps writing about them anyway. The MA legislature took commendably quick action to re-ban upskirt photography, so good for them! But Boston still sucks, sorry.

. @youbetyourballs reminds me of the Jersey City Parking Authority vans.

— aloria (@aloria) March 8, 2014

And So Forth: The Ouya is dead. Leeches, because Brooklyn of course. Polar bear and dog photos interpreted variably over time. You can apparently make a (meagre?) living drawing New Yorker cartoons which makes me think they're paying a lot more for a drawing than they do for a 2,000 word blog post. Wes Anderson and Stefan Zweig compared in an essay that will strongly appeal to potentially dozens of you. Let Me Google That For You in real time. 12 Books That End Mid-

Today's Sparse But Promising New Tumblr: Underground Art

Today's Song: Babymetal, "Gimme chocolate" (via Daily Dot)

~We are never defeated, unless we give up on tabs.~

Today in Tabs really doesn't want to talk about Satoshi Nakamoto anymore. Read us on Newsweek or subscribe by email. I tweet from @rustyk5 and relay out of office autoreplies from @TodayinTabs. Tabs were brought to you today by tater tots.