Today in Tabs: We Are All Once-In-a-Generation Talents

Alec Baldwin
Goodbye Alec Baldwin, goodbye Piers Morgan! Carlo Allegri/Reuters

Alec Baldwin unleashes an "as told to Joe Hagan" rant in NY Mag today, proclaiming that he's done with New York and being famous, and we can only hope he means it. He explains the roots of his trouble with the gay community and firing from MSNBC, even going so far as to sit down and talk to "an F-to-M tranny" and a couple other LGBT representatives, to "learn about what is hurtful speech in your community," presumably to be able to deploy it more effectively, as he does here. It will surprise no one to learn that Baldwin's troubles are the fault of the media in general and photographers in particular. "Warren Beatty, who is mystifyingly intelligent and wise, said to me:" explains Baldwin, "Your problem is a very basic one, and it's very common to actors. And that's when we step in front of a camera, we feel the need to make it into a moment." I agree that his problem is a very basic one, and it is indeed common to actors. Alec Baldwin's problem is that he's an asshole.

American journalism is so full of "once in a generation" talent right now that we're probably looking at nine or ten generations with no talent at all. We're so damn talented that Amtrak is planning to send writers around the country on trains, spreading the talent far and wide, like talent-butter on our national toast. I mean sure, we may have a Flanagan here and there, we might write about grown-up onesies and in the process both make a mistake and then correct the wrong thing. We might write about ugly selfies, yet again. And yes, it may be possible to trick us, but only if you have access to little red circles and twitter. Perhaps our biggest network does just ignore the most inconvenient news, but hey, at least we don't suck as bad as those idiots from House of Cards right? And the end of Piers Morgan's show can only help. Anyway, Brian Stelter and Jamie Shupak made some NY Observer list-makers very happy this weekend, and I think we can all agree that's what really matters.


— Greg Bretz (@gregbretzz) February 10, 2014

Bros Will Come At You, Research Suggests

— Simon Maloy (@SimonMaloy) February 21, 2014

Gentrifier conflicted about her place among "those people." You know, Latinos. Or Caribbeans. Or whatever the hell they are. Bunch of sexual assaulters, anyway, right?

Today in Death: Jim Weirich died suddenly, on Wednesday, and his final github commit has turned into an unofficial memorial wall. The last remaining Von Trapp, Maria, died in Vermont on Tuesday at the age of 99. This was the third child Maria, not the second wife Maria, a problem who was already solved in 1987. And finally, net neutrality died on Friday, confirmed GigaOm and the Wall St. Journal. (Guan explains why this is bad news.)

Be careful what you write in the notes area of your checks, learns Anil Dash, because who knows what other random phrases are in fact terrorist words that will get you permanently flagged. (Spoiler: you're already flagged, please remain still, your drone will arrive momentarily.)

My fav Jimmy Fallon "History of Rap" video will be the one where Black Thought walks off the dais and beats JT to death with the mic stand.

— B. Dolan (@BDolanSFR) February 23, 2014

Greg Knauss made an app called Romantimatic that reminds you to text your significant other. How do you think the internet responded to this? Mild enthusiasm? Indifference? Ha ha no of course it was with withering scorn. Knauss wrote about being on the receiving end of a "medium-size internet pile-on" on his blog, and since Knauss is 148 internet-years old, it's well worth reading.

Potpourri: Lily Allen's new album will be called "Sheezus". That should go over well. How to design a code of conduct for your community. 60 meters of glass Thunderbolt cable for only $1299. Did you update your iPhone yet? The Daily Beast points out that we don't often identify Whole Foods as a bastion of pseudoscientific claptrap. I mean I personally always have, but I welcome anyone who wants to join me. It's just one of at least four solid reasons to hate Whole Foods. Republicans prepare to launch the .gop top-level domain to make your domain block lists a lot simpler.

Today's Most Delightful Thing to Imagine: San Francisco without people

Today's Song: Lily Allen, "Air Balloon"

~I have always depended on the tabs of strangers.~

Today in Tabs comes to you today from the excellent free wifi at Portland Maine's International Jetport (because Canada is technically another country). We can, as always, be found on and subscribed to by email.