By Jane LaCroix
Contributing Entertainment Writer
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Valerie Bertinelli has revealed the complexities of her marriage to the late Eddie Van Halen, which ended in divorce long before the rocker's death in 2020.
While watching her son Wolfgang Van Halen's episode of Behind the Music on Paramount+, Bertinelli found herself overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions, leading her to pause the show multiple times.
"It was not easy," Bertinelli admitted on Instagram, reflecting on both the pain it brought to her son and her own regrets as a parent. "I'd stopped it many times because it was just too brutal to watch for many reasons."
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The Silent Witness actress continued, "One, seeing Wolfie's pain. Two, seeing what a better job I could have done as a parent even though he turned out magnificently. I made a lot of mistakes," she recounted. "And three, seeing what I had turned of Ed's and my relationship — into some sort of fantasy, soulmate recreation of history," she added, admitting she initially glorified their relationship in her memory.
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Despite their deep connection, the marriage suffered due to Van Halen's substance use and infidelity. "Nothing that makes you feel loved and wanted and cared for. Nothing that would scream soulmate, that's for sure," she said, delineating the painful acknowledgment of their relationship problems.
Following Van Halen's death, Bertinelli, 64, wrestled with her identity, considering herself a grieving widow despite their long separation. "But after Ed died, I was more than willing to put myself in the grieving widow category for a man that I hadn't lived with for 20 years," she revealed, expressing a complex mixture of mourning and detachment.
In his contribution to the Behind the Music episode, 33-year-old Wolfgang delved into his relationship with his father, appreciating the chance to openly discuss his life and experiences. After the release of the episode, he shared to X (formerly known as Twitter), "It was difficult, but also incredibly cathartic being able to reflect on my experiences, the incredible people I'm blessed to have in my life and most importantly, my bond with my father. I don't normally talk so openly about things, so this was new for me."
If you or someone you know is experiencing substance abuse problems, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-HELP (4357), open 24/7.
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