Teen Accusing Friend of 'Gloating' About Living Mom Enrages Internet

In a post going viral on social media, the internet slammed a teen for accusing her friend of "gloating" that her mother was still alive.

Published to Reddit's popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the username u/BTS-X-ARMYLOVE shared her story to the "AITA" community in order to see if she was in the wrong. The popular post has 6,000 upvotes and 1,600 comments.

"So for context, I have hair that is significantly longer than the average person," the Reddit user began, "I get compliments about it all the time and even though it's a hassle looking after it, I really do like it. My friend, who we'll call Kate, lost her mother to cancer before we met. I don't know the full story but apparently she used to have hair as long as mine until she shaved it all off."

She said she hasn't been friends with 16-year-old "Kate" very long and things were going great up until Kate asked her for a favor. When the original poster (OP) asked what she needed, Kate asked her to cut her hair past her shoulders as it "looked so much" like her mom's. She admitted that it was bringing back her trauma and that if the OP didn't cut her hair, she didn't know if they could continue being friends. Kate would have asked her sooner but thought it would be awkward since they just become friends.

woman refused to cut hair for friend
The internet has backed a woman who refused to cut her hair due to her friend's trauma. nensuria/iStock / Getty Images Plus

The OP told Kate that she would not be cutting her hair. However, she explained why she thinks she might be in the wrong.

She wrote, "Here's where I might be [the a**hole]. I told her a few reasons as to why I loved having long hair and one of them was about how much I resembled my mother. Immediately I felt bad because of the awkward timing of the comment and tried to tell her that I wasn't making fun of her for not having a mom or anything but this seemed to make her more mad.

"She started screaming and crying about how she thought she could trust me and how awful I was for gloating at the fact that my mother is still alive. I tried diffusing the situation but it clearly wasn't going to work out so I just ran out," she continued.

Since their fight, the OP has received calls and texts from other friends in the friend group about how "disgusting" she is. Kate told them all about their argument and how the OP refused to cut her hair. Kate believes that the OP reminds her of her mom and she is starting to look like her mother's daughter more than Kate. Some of the OP's friends believe her, and the others don't, saying that she should just cut her hair. Some even said they hope the OP gets to experience what it's like not having a mother soon.

Newsweek reached out to u/BTS-X-ARMYLOVE for comment.

Are you in a similar situation? Do you think you're in a toxic friendship? According to TODAY.com, in a survey given to 18,000 women and 4,000 men, 84 percent of women and 75 percent of men reported having a toxic friend in their life.

Here are some "toxic" signs to look out for: constant fighting, lack of support, emotional abuse and the feeling that you can't rely on or trust them, per wellandgood.com.

What can you do to push the toxicity out of the friendship to start a healthy one? According to Romper, speak up for yourself and share your feelings, stay away from their toxic behavior and take a break from seeing one another.

Many users shared their opinions, defending the OP.

"[Not the A**hole]. If she has trauma, she needs therapy, not for all people with hair like her mom's to cut their hair," u/tatasz received over 10,000 upvotes for their comment.

"[Not the A**hole], the world can't protect her from all of her triggers. It's your hair. She needs to address her grief, not force people to help her ignore it," u/mossydeerbones said.

U/Specialist-Leek-6927 wrote, "[Not the A**hole]... Even by mentioning your mother you are definitely not [the a**hole], she brought up her mother to try manipulate you to cut your hair, you brought up your mother to justify why you won't do it. I suspect her issue is plain jealousy."

"It's an awkward conversation but [Not the A**hole]. Bodily autonomy. You can do what you like with your own body. It's okay for her to speak to you about it and see if it's something you're willing to do, but she can't demand you change something about yourself," u/FeastForTheWorms exclaimed.

Update 6/29/2022, 9:52 p.m.: This article has been updated to include verification of "Kate's" age.