Anger As 'Devastated' Woman Learns Shocking Truth About Her Boyfriend

A woman who began a relationship with a man she met through an online dating site nearly two years ago has described how she was left "devastated" after finally uncovering the truth about his life.

According to the Pew Research Center, 30 percent of U.S. adults have used a dating website or app to match with a prospective partner.

Yet the experience of using one of these platforms has proven something of a mixed bag—particularly for women. The same Pew Research Center data found that while 48 percent reported having a positive experience, 51 percent had a negative one.

Given the relative anonymity that online dating provides, it's perhaps not surprising to see the occasional horror story come to the fore on social media. One woman found herself targeted by scammers while another canceled a date after he requested she sends him a picture of a random body part.

However, the story chronicled by one 45-year-old divorced mother of two will ring painfully familiar for many out there and features some of the dating red flags that would have many running for the hills.

'Something's Not Right'

She started dating a "wonderful guy" back in November 2021 but immediately sensed "something not right."

After doing some digging on social media a couple of months into the relationship, she discovered he had "lied about his name." When confronted, he told her originally lied for security reasons, then confessed he was "still married" but "totally separated" and would divorce once they sold the house they shared.

Though she accepted his explanation, she said the "feeling of dishonesty" never left her and she began to grow suspicious again when the man told her he was living with friends and then his parents. "Didn't sit well with me for some reason," she wrote. "So I did my research and discovered he hasn't left his family home."

Once again, she confronted him over his claims and once again he tried to plead his innocence telling her they had separated and he had been sleeping on the couch while they tried to sell the house.

Things came to a head last summer when he jetted off on holiday with his kids and parents. According to the post, he "promised" his wife was not with them. Yet when the woman investigated, again she found that to be a lie.

The woman said she was left "sick and broken" at this discovery, but her partner once again had his excuses, telling her it was the "last family holiday" and he "couldn't be honest" as he knew it would upset her.

Despite providing "evidence" to show they slept in separate rooms, the woman said "nothing" has changed in the months since and while she is "totally in love" with him and has introduced him to her friends and family, she has yet to meet any of his.

A woman crying and a dating app.
Stock images of an upset woman and a dating profile - a divorced mom-of-two is being urged to break things off with a man she met online. AntonioGuillem/grinvalds/Getty

Posted to Mumsnet under the handle Task77, the account had alarm bells ringing for many, including Helena Roman, a relationships writer and expert strategist based in Boston.

'Future Faking'

"I've seen many well-intentioned people, especially women, succumb to the deceptions of married men," Roman told Newsweek. "It's one of the risks associated with today's online dating world, and women in their 40s and 50s are especially vulnerable. Some men intentionally craft an online dating profile hoping to lay the foreground for an extramarital affair. While there's always the exception, most married men who engage in clandestine affairs rarely leave their spouses."

Roman said it's often the case that married men will use an extramarital affair as an "escape" from the mundanity of their everyday lives. "They'll even feel safe conveying promises of a future together because they know it's never going to happen in reality, and it's their objective to keep their affair partner on the hook," she said. "The trouble is, as women, we have an inherent desire to see the good in people. However, when one's partner continually lacks follow-through on their promises or lies, this describes what relationship experts call 'future faking.'"

She warned that, in this case, the woman may be stuck in a vicious cycle of lies and feigned confessions. "It's not uncommon for men who are caught in lies to 'open up' to their affair partner in hopes this sudden forthcoming honesty will keep their affair partner around," Roman said. "However, remaining stagnated in cycles of waiting may be unhealthy. Finding your partner has lied repeatedly can also play on insecurities and impact trust."

Many on social media called for the woman to break things off as soon as possible.
Aquamarine1029 said: "He has done nothing but lie to your face, over and over and over again, yet there you are, still with him." Dartmoorcheffy agreed, writing: "If he was wonderful, and genuinely loved you, he would be with you and not his wife."

Marchforward, meanwhile, commented: "You have allowed him to lie to you for years. He isn't suddenly going to start telling you the truth."

While some suggested the woman confront her partner's wife, Roman suggested she distance herself from the man and "focus on self-care...If a man's intentions are in the right place he will make himself available and not string either partner along," she concluded.

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.