Woman Holding a 'Grudge' Against Her Brother for 16 Years Praised

By Leonie Helm On 2/8/23 at 6:36 AM EST

Personal Finance Family Siblings Money Personal finance

A Reddit user, 33, has asked the social media platform if she is in the wrong for still holding a "grudge" against her brother Dan, 36.

The woman says that the siblings' "mum was a single mother, and our dad was in prison serving a long sentence, and only got out when I was 17 and Dan was 20," adding that they "were really broke."

When she was 16, the woman got a job working in retail "to contribute to the household and hopefully save up for university. I was starting to save up quite a sizable amount of money after a year."

Woman worrying about money — A woman worrying about money. Stock image. The median bank balance of a single person with no children is $3,100. megaflopp/Getty Images

She says that in the same year, her brother got a co-worker pregnant, and he ended up with full custody of the child. Struggling for money, the woman says her brother stole her bank card and withdrew all her savings: £2,000 ($2,410). He moved in with his new girlfriend and the baby shortly afterward.

According to the money advice site Bank Rate, the median bank balance of a single person with no children is $3,100. For a single individual with one child or more, the median bank account balance is $1,300.

User Virtual_Car5844 explains that her mother forbade her from going to the police about it and that she has not spoken to her brother since—until recently at a dinner orchestrated by their mother. Her brother told her to "grow up" and to stop being "so materialistic" as it was "only money." The woman says it was about "the principle of it."

Newsweek spoke to Lisa Pion-Berlin, president and CEO of the family support organization Parents Anonymous, about the situation.

"It is natural to feel betrayed by your brother. Family relationships are essential, your feelings are real and you are not required to make others happy. Your brother refuses to take responsibility for what he did and is shifting the blame to you and saying you are the problem: overreacting, focusing on money, etc. Also, you feel hurt by your mom who is still trying to sweep the situation under the rug," she observed.

The expert advised "finding a constructive way to share your feelings" and, in this case, "not to change your brother's mind but to establish a boundary you choose."

"Your health and well-being are your first priority, not making others happy. People often feel pressured because those who hurt [them] are family and people believe you must excuse their behavior. You decide what is important to overlook and determine the parameters of a healthy family relationship even with your mom," she said.

Users on Reddit voted that the woman who posted about her dilemma was not the a******.

User mycozyideas commented, "I feel like the money is the least issue. The betrayal is worse. Plus in 16 years he never even apologized (or contacted OP)."

Another user, janananamae, said, "It's money that represented your TIME and OPPORTUNITY. He stole money that could be repaid, but the others were lost. NTA."

AmIarealbunny wrote: "I'm wondering whether he even apologized. The mom chose her favorite kid and didn't do j*** when her minor child was stolen from."