Woman Not on Mortgage Paying Partner $948 a Month for Decades Seeks Advice: 'Selfish Man'

The internet has offered advice to a woman who said she has paid her partner $948 each month for decades, which led to the man being branded as "very selfish."

Money can prove to be a hurdle in some relationships where one partner might feel they are contributing financially more than the other.

In a post shared on the U.K.-based Mumsnet website, a woman explained how her partner of 30 years had taken the equivalent of $940 from her each month.

The woman, going by username Star54, said that despite having grown-up children and having been engaged that she did not have her name on the house deeds.

She said: "I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 ($948) per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals, etc.

"I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew.

"My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him.

"I am at the end of my tether and now feel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s)? I am strong in my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before."

Since being uploaded on February 9, the post has gone on to attract some 360 messages and generated a large discussion online.

Many supported the woman with several calling on her to leave her partner of 30 years and even consider seeking legal advice.

One Mumsnet user said: "I think you need to speak to a solicitor for advice and then definitely leave him. He sounds like a very selfish man."

Another added: "I would never normally say this but if you have a joint account I would empty it and go."

A third commented: "Does he even have a mortgage or is he just fleecing you out of hundreds of pounds every month."

But there were commenters who were less sympathetic to the woman's predicament and shared their concern about her situation.

One commenter said: "Sigh. And if he drops dead tomorrow, you know you don't automatically get the right to stay in the house, right?

"Why do intelligent women put themselves in this position? You must have half a brain cell if you're in a job, any job, so why haven't you demanded your rights to the house to be married in thirty bloody years?"

According to a 2019 University of Tennessee at Knoxville study, money is one of the major sticking points in a relationship.

The study, made up of mostly white, educated couples, found financial issues were among the "most serious" concerns, alongside household, intimacy, leisure and communication issues.

It also found couples might find it difficult to discuss certain issues with their respective partner over fear it could make them feel "vulnerable or embarrassed, resulting in more conflict."

Lead study author Amy Rauer said: "Since these issues tend to be more difficult to resolve, they are more likely to lead to less marital happiness or the dissolution of the relationship, especially if couples have not banked up any previous successes solving other marital issues."

Stock image of couple arguing over money
Stock image of couple arguing over money. A woman said she had given her partner $940 each month for decades. KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty