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By Daniella Gray
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A pregnant woman has received overwhelming backing on Reddit after describing a tense standoff with her mother-in-law over her choice to have an epidural during childbirth.
The 24-year-old woman, who recently discovered she was expecting 3 months into her marriage, has been feeling the pressure from her mother-in-law to forgo the pain relief method during labor.
She explained on Reddit's popular r/AITAH subreddit that the family conflict arose soon after she and her husband shared the pregnancy news, hoping for support and guidance given their lack of preparation for the unplanned pregnancy.
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In the post, which has received 13,000 upvotes and counting, she wrote: "My MIL has been pressuring me as soon as I got married to have kids since her other son and DIL have suffered with miscarriages for the past 4 years, so she's really persistent on wanting grandkids."
During a celebration gathering at their home, the mom-to-be discussed childbirth preparations with her husband's cousin, who is also pregnant, and she advised securing good health insurance to cover various medical costs, including an epidural.
However, the conversation took a turn when her mother-in-law interjected: "The epidural is unnecessary and makes things way too easy, women should have their babies the way nature intended," her mother-in-law stated, leaving the expectant mother—and the rest of the group—in shock.
In response, the soon-to-be mom expressed her fear of childbirth thanks to the "horror stories" she's heard, as well as her preference for an epidural.
Things escalated further and the mother-in-law accused her of being disrespectful and demanded her son to "straighten her out."
The woman recounted in the Reddit post: "My husband told her it's ridiculous to expect me to have a child with no pain relief," to which the mother-in-law said: "Well, I guess a baby is having your baby" and has refused to speak to the couple.
The situation remains tense, with the woman's husband suggesting that she apologize to his mother and reconsider her stance on the epidural in a bid to "keep the peace."
Newsweek spoke to Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC, a dual licensed marriage and family therapist and professional clinical counselor.
Groskopf, based in Los Angeles, said that it's "natural" to feel overwhelmed with unplanned pregnancies, and added family pressure can also be challenging to deal with.
She told Newsweek: "The MIL's insistence on no epidural is rooted in her beliefs, but it's important to prioritize your health and comfort.
"Childbirth is intensely personal, and you have the right to make decisions about your body."
She also added that the woman's husband should support her choices and advocate for her autonomy.
The feud remains unresolved and mom-to-be stands firm, believing that she has nothing to apologize for and that the decision on how to manage her labor should be hers alone.
Throwing open her situation for advice, the poster asked: "Someone please tell me AITAH?" (Am I the a******?).
At the time of writing, the Reddit post has clocked up over 6,000 comments and counting, with the most-liked comment receiving almost 3,000 upvotes.
One Reddit user wrote a message for the husband to "become a father or stay as a son," declaring the woman 'not the a******'.
Another commented: "In addition he could tell his mother to consume information on the myths of epidurals in labor and delivery.
"But I agree, mom is nta, mil is the ah, and no one should apologize or 'make peace'. When a toxic person holds the peace of a family over their heads and someone gives in to them it makes everything worse. They get power from that.
"This couple may also want to study up on how to live with narcissistic and manipulative family members."
One Reddit user advised the woman to reach out to her mother and get her involved for support.
They commented: "I had to sit my phone down and breathe for a few moments when she opened with 'we won't be needing that anyways'."
They continued: "I can just imagine what my mom would say if she had tried to pull something like this."
Groskopf told Newsweek: "Apologizing to 'keep the peace' might seem easier [in the] short-term, but it's a form of people-pleasing, known as a fawn response to trauma.
"Communicate your decisions firmly and respectfully because setting boundaries now can prevent future conflicts."
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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