Woman Says Husband Had Secret Background Checks On Her And The Internet Is Livid Over It

Marriage is hard enough with all of life's stressors but toss in a deep, dark secret and it could be disastrous. A woman claimed her husband of three years kept a huge secret that many said could have sinister undertones.

"We've been married for 3 years and I only just found out recently that before we got married my husband ran a background check on me and my family," the user who goes by @sherlockholmes498 wrote in the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" forum.

She explained that she borrowed her husband's laptop while on a family vacation. It's then she discovered a folder, "full of reports on me, my family (including extended family) and two of my childhood friends."

"I read as much of the reports as I could before my husband and his family came home for the day," she said. "At first, I was just hurt he would do something like this without talking to me first but as I read more and started finding out things about my family and friends that I never even knew, I started to get angry. It's hard to put it into words but I felt like I had gone cold all over but also like it wasn't me reading these things."

The woman confronted her husband in front of his family which prompted her husband's cousin to cut in to say this is a "normal" thing in their family. The woman left to stay in a hotel and left shortly after. She now wants the internet's verdict: is she the "a**hole?"

According to Private Investigators Now, background checks could expose some commonly used lies about "education history, degrees, professional background, work history, licenses, professional organization membership" and can also find prior grievances or lawsuits.

The woman behind the Reddit post doesn't know exactly why her husband did the checks, but her story prompted a lot of supporters in her defense.

People dressed as Sherlock Holmes
People dressed as the fictional detective created by the late Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes, gather in central London. CARL COURT/Getty Images

"yeah, i'll admit to doing a quick criminal history search (which is public record & super easy to access) before i start dating someone but to basically go all private investigator on someone AND their family?? then the fact he kept it like a "just in case" to possibly blackmail OP with later is a red flag bigger than the sun & i would be running faster than a man being chased by a turkey. NTA, OP but your husband on the other hand..." @aspen-sage wrote.

"The extent of the husbands 'research' leads me to believe that his family has something to hide. Maybe it's just money and they're being super wary of gold diggers, but it's pretty sus," @KaijuAlert said.

"NTA blatant disrespect and breach of any boundaries it would be one thing is you where aware and agreed for yourself but your family and friends ??! WTAF no no no this is a massive red flag what other things has he done no no no sorry this is a hard stop for me," @kiddaileyvxfaa added.

And finally, a former private investigator who goes by @HolleringCorgis gave his two cents saying, "This is more extensive than a basic background check by a PI. Source: Worked for a PI firm and did these sort of background checks every day. Including for our office manager who was actively dating."

He continued: "It's very, very unusual to cast this wide of a net off the bat. Unless something needs further research it doesn't make sense. This would be a separate and distinct deep dive on everyone listed, not just a background check on one individual (OP)... and he would be charged accordingly."