'Gaslighting' Husband Sparks Rage After Taking Wife to BBQ Instead of Work

A post on Reddit has left users outraged and fearing for the safety of the original poster in a post that has gained almost 20,000 upvotes overnight in the sub-community AmItheA**hole.

In the post, user Balcony-Angle5676 describes a situation where she was "tricked" by her husband into attending his family barbecue.

She writes: "I (f33) am a nurse, I have a very very busy schedule. It's been absolutely crazy the past couple of years. My husband (m36) works an office job and because he's a family-oriented type of guy, he always hangs out with his family. His family live on a ranch in the middle of literally nowhere. It's a hassle to go there and due to my work nature, I don't go to most of their functions, I do however make sure to attend the big ones.

"Last week, his family wanted to host a BBQ party. He wanted me to go with him so badly since all his brothers were bringing their wifes and since they mocked him for coming alone in the past. I said sorry but I had a shift to cover. He begged, suggested I swap shifts with other nurses who are my friends and even called them all to beg them to cover for me. I grew irritated and told him to stop it. He sulked for a whole day then dropped it."

woman sitting on a sofa and feeling
In this stock image a woman sits on a sofa feeling anxious. A post on Reddit has caused outrage after user Balcony-Angle5676 described an attempt by her husband to trick her into attending a family barbecue. Getty Images

She then describes how the next morning before her shift she discovered that the tires on her car were all out of air. Her husband offered to drive her to work, but instead drove them straight to his family's ranch.

"We got to the ranch and I sat outside fuming," she writes. "I waited and saw I still had time to make it to the hospital if I figured out a way to get there. I watched my husband go inside leaving his Keychain next to me (right where he was sitting). I took it and rushed to the back where all cars were parked, got into the car and drove off. His dad saw me and told him.

"He started calling my phone relentlessly til I turned it off. I got to the hospital in time but didn't dare turn my phone on til it was past 8 pm. I opened it and saw tons of angry messages from him berating me calling me horrible and a manipulator.

"I got on the phone with him and he yelled about the awful stunt I pulled and bailing from the party and making him look bad in front of his family. He then calmed down and said that he now knows that work is more important to me and that he won't ever trust me after I basically stole his car and ran with it."

Many users in the comments have described the husband's behavior as 'gaslighting' and called for the poster to leave him.

"Gaslighting" is defined by Merriam Webster as, "The psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator."

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, gaslighting can result in a number of different behaviors, including:

  • You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" multiple times a day
  • You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family
  • You wonder if you are a "good enough" partner
  • You feel as though you can't do anything right
  • You're always apologizing to your partner
  • You constantly second-guess yourself
A couple fighting.
A stock image of a couple arguing. Redditors have suggested a wife should leave her husband after he "kidnapped' her and took her to a barbecue instead of driving her to work. Getty Images

Some users feared for the safety of the original poster, with MissLadyLlamaDrama writing: "Yeah, I understand the hesitation that people have with jumping to divorce, but this is actually insane levels of dangerous. The lengths this dude went through just because he was being a child about his brothers teasing him. (And who teases someone over something like that anyway? Are they 12?).

"This dude really risked it all just to con her into going to a stupid family BBQ. And broke several laws in order to do it, with zero regard for his wife and partner. And then to double down on it with verbal abuse when she didn't just let him get away with it? This dude is dangerously unhinged."

Littlemisssunshinepdx wrote: "This doesn't need a therapist, this needs a divorce before it becomes a need for a restraining order. This is a crazy train on a track nobody wants to go down."

In a comment that has had nearly 10k likes, user Reality_Bites416 wrote: "NTA [not the a**hole] Your husband could have cost you your job, gaslighted you, kidnapped you. You need to leave him."

Heavy_Sand5228 agreed writing: "NTA this man just showed controlling behavior and tried to gaslight you into thinking you're the one in the wrong. He's shown you who he is; believe him. Run 🚩🚩🚩"

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