Woman Upset After Husband Had a Secret Vasectomy Asks Internet for Advice

A mother and wife has gained attention online after sharing a popular post expressing upset at her husband's secret vasectomy.

In a post to popular forum Mumsnet, the mom explained that she has been with her husband for 17 years, since they were both 16, and they have children together.

"Everything was going perfect," she wrote. "Until I found out that my [husband] had a vasectomy. It's his body and his choice, but he never discussed it with me. I feel so angry and hurt by his choice."

"He wasn't 100 percent sure if he wanted more children and I wasn't sure if I wanted more children but he made up his own mind to have a vasectomy without speaking to me," she added.

The mom said that she was unable to even look at him anymore and so he has been sleeping on the couch for the past three months. "I want him to leave and he won't. I just can't forgive him for what he's done. It makes me sick everyday," she wrote.

According to later comments, she found out about the procedure after seeing an email pop up on his phone. Her husband informed two of his friends, but not her, claiming "it all happened very quick."

Man and woman arguing
Stock image of a man and woman arguing. A wife has shared her argument with her husband over a secret vasectomy. Getty Images

Around 50 million men have had a vasectomy worldwide, approximately 5 percent of all married men of reproductive age, according to the Cleveland Clinic.

Despite it not being compulsory to discuss the decision with a partner, it's commonplace to do so, and a 2002 study showed that 6 percent of women regretted their husband having a vasectomy five years later.

Unsurprisingly, many respondents to the post shared the view that the secrecy of the procedure is an issue, with one user writing: "Something as big as this should be discussed as a couple. I'm not surprised you're feeling how you are. The fact that he did not discuss this, or if he doesn't understand why you are upset shows there is a huge problem in the marriage already.

"Only you can decide how you feel about this and whether you feel it is a big enough issue to dissolve your marriage," they added.

Another user agreed, writing: "This is not about a vasectomy, its about honesty, trust and what matters more. If his marriage to her matters so much then he would have discussed his thoughts and feelings, but he didn't. He just did it and hoped she would never find out."

Others disagreed, citing that it's the husband's choice to undergo the procedure, and knowing beforehand shouldn't be able to change that. "I think it is very strange for a husband and wife not to discuss something like that. But he must know he doesn't want any more children, in which case, whether he has a vasectomy or not, you no longer had the choice with him anyway," wrote one user.

Another added: "It is his body and his choice. The number of children you have is not something that can be compromised on. No matter how much you may have wanted another child, you cannot coerce him into being a father again."