Woman Urged not to Ruin Friend's Proposal After Discovering 'Selfish' Plan

When a relationship starts getting serious and a proposal is on the cards, many women have a rough idea of how they would like to say "yes" to their lover.

For this friend, she wanted her parents' blessing and her loved ones present when her boyfriend got down on one knee. However, the partner, who asked for advice from his girlfriend's best friend, has gone against everything she would like.

In a lengthy Reddit post, u/Throwaway1728364 wrote that her best friend, 27, has been in a relationship with a man, 26, for five years, and he plans on proposing.

Engagement couple
A stock image of an upset woman and an embarrassed woman whose partner is proposing. A friendship expert told Newsweek what the friend should do in this instance. Rawpixel / mediamasmedia/Getty

Between December 24 and January 1, there are more proposals and engagements than at any other time of year, with 15percent of all proposals occurring in the festive season. This was according to a recent survey of around 10,000 people by London event organizers Chillisauce.

"I know exactly how she wants her proposal and who she wants to be there, so I relayed all this information to him months ago via texts and over the phone. I even took the time to covertly find and confirm which ring she would love the most," the poster wrote.

The woman explained that the friend is "incredibly family and friend orientated" and has said that her boyfriend hasn't made much of an effort to get to know her loved ones.

The woman wrote: "I do generally like him, I have always felt that he is incredibly self-serving and self-focused."

On February 15, the friend explained a recent row with the boyfriend on Reddit, whereby they received 6,000 upvotes.

She wrote that they discovered the boyfriend's proposal plans excluded all of his girlfriend's loved ones.

She explained: "He is planning on only having his 'boys' and family present for the occasion, and knowing my friend this would ultimately break her heart not being able to share this moment with her loved ones.

"I got heated and called him. At first, he was dodging my questions, then just outright said 'this is my proposal and I've spent enough time and money to choose how I do it, just be happy for your friend. It's not like you're not coming to the wedding.' This INFURIATED me," she wrote.

In the comments, the original poster explained that her mate was more of a sister and considered her mom to be family, too. She wrote that her friend is "somewhat traditional" and would want her boyfriend to ask her parents for their blessing.

"She will 100 [percent] see this as being hurtful and selfish and I know she'll cry. To make matters worse, the location of the proposal is a whopping 30 minutes from her parents' home," she explained.

The post ended: "I don't want to get involved in a fight or reveal the surprise, but on the other hand I feel I owe it to my lifelong friend to help her avoid being hurt and disappointed, maybe even helping her rethink what her future would look like with someone who doesn't really appreciate what she values in life."

'Do Not Tell Her'

More than 850 people have commented on the post, with the top comment receiving 9,100 upvotes.

It read: "DO NOT TELL HER. As much as you know her and want this proposal to go as planned, it is ultimately up to her boyfriend how he wants to do it. If your friend is disappointed, then that can be her sign to discuss with her fiancé moving forward. It is not your place to tell her or intervene at this point."

A friendship expert agreed with Redditors who have urged the original poster against it. Gill Hasson told Newsweek that the friend has "done her best."

"She's made some suggestions and ideas to help make the proposal a special event. Good on the boyfriend for asking for advice, but that's as far as any credit can be extended to him," said the author of How to Deal With Difficult People.

"He hasn't acknowledged her ideas and advice, and has very deliberately excluded his girlfriend's family and friends," added Hasson. "He is obviously selfish, manipulative and controlling. The friend has already recognized; he is self-serving and self-focused.

"Rather than warn her friend or get involved any further, let him do his worst. Although it will be hurtful and upsetting for her friend, best to leave the boyfriend to go ahead with his plans, and then his girlfriend will hopefully see just how selfish and controlling he is. And therefore quite unsuitable as a life partner.

"The friend has already got herself over-involved. There is only so far any of us can get involved in our friends' and families' lives before we end up making their situation our own. We need to know what our limits of involvement are and then if or when everything goes horribly wrong, the next step is to decide just how much support we are then able to give to the other person," Hasson added.

Newsweek reached out to u/Throwaway1728364 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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