...
By Alice Shikina
0
Share
Newsweek is a Trust Project member
See more of our trusted coverage when you search.Prefer Newsweek on Googleto see more of our trusted coverage when you search.
Leaders who expect their employees to "communicate better" are missing why conversations still fail.
A stressed nervous system can make it difficult to hear, process, and respond. Workplaces must teach people how stress affects behavior, not just how to phrase a message.
The American Psychological Association’s 2026 Stress in America report found that 77 percent of U.S. adults consider the cost of living a significant source of stress.
Read More on Leadership Insights
Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace 2026 report found global employee engagement fell to 20 percent in 2025, its lowest level since 2020, with an estimated $10 trillion in lost productivity.
These are connected problems.
People carry strain into places where they are expected to think clearly and work together.
Stress Affects Communication
I see the same pattern in mediation. When people feel threatened, they focus on defending themselves, not absorbing information. In a divorce mediation, I once asked a husband to explain a buyout offer his wife had described. He admitted he had no idea what she was offering. He was so overwhelmed that he could not process it. We had to slow down and go through it again.
This happens at work, too. A manager explains a process for the third time and concludes, "She should understand by now." But what state was that employee in during those explanations? If she felt attacked, humiliated, or afraid of being fired, the message may never have landed.
The manager sees incompetence or attitude; the employee feels less safe. Both leave convinced the other person is the problem.
That is why I say we do not just have a communication problem. We have a nervous system problem. When a person’s fight-or-flight response is activated, attention narrows and defensiveness rises. People may hear words without taking in their meaning.
Better wording cannot fix a conversation if the person receiving it is too distressed to process it.
Stress Doesn't Stop At the Office
No one arrives at work as a blank slate. Someone may have argued with a spouse about money, worried about rent, struggled to afford gas, fought with a relative over politics, or watched news about the state of the economy. That strain follows them into a meeting.
Then work conflict follows them home, where a sideways glance or a "sarcastic" tone of voice turns into yet another argument with a spouse. Personal stress affects work; work stress affects personal relationships. The cycle feeds itself.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s provisional data recorded 662,950 divorces and annulments in the United States in 2024. That figure does not prove workplace stress caused those breakups. It does remind us how many relationships navigate pressure.
Gallup reported that 27 percent of U.S. full-time employees very often or always felt burned out at work in the second quarter of 2026.
Employers cannot expect personal lives to stay outside the office while ignoring the stress people bring through the door.
Creating Calmer Conversations
I am not a psychologist, and I am not asking managers to become one. I am asking them to understand that stress changes how people listen and behave. In my work, I call the first step "Step Zero." Before solving the problem, make the conversation calm enough for people to hear one another.
Leaders should avoid statements like "We have gone over this twice already. Why aren't you getting it?" and instead be more curious. Ask questions like, "What is going on for you right now?"
Then listen without preparing a rebuttal and reflect back what you understood. If someone is overwhelmed, take a break and return to the discussion. Make it safe to raise concerns without punishment. These are not indulgences; they are conditions for getting work done.
Imagine workplaces where people raise problems before resentment hardens, disagreement does not feel threatening, and employees leave with energy for their families. Projects move forward, trust grows, and difficult conversations become solvable.
The alternative is bleak.
Leaders blame "poor communication," employees protect themselves, a loss of trust drains performance at work, and our personal lives pay the ultimate cost.
Every organization should train its people to recognize stress responses and create calmer conversations. Training should make this practical, with role-playing, clear pauses, and routines for checking understanding before conflict escalates. Start with your next difficult meeting.
Before repeating your point, check whether the other person can hear it. Leaders who cannot grasp this simple reality should not be trusted to lead teams or hold power over other people's working lives.
Alice Shikina is a mediator, arbitrator and founder of Shikina Mediation and Arbitration, and all opinions are the author’s own.
View 0 Comments
Submit Correction
View Editorial & AI Guidelines