I Haven't Spoken To My Maid of Honor Since My Wedding Day—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, I was the wedding coordinator for my wedding since it was a small, intimate wedding. My maid of honor was a childhood friend and the other bridesmaid was my sister.

I was the point of contact for the caterer who was driving up from the city to our mountain wedding that day. Also, the photography, friends arriving, the set-up for the wedding ceremony and I had to watch the time and weather, which I did all by checking my cell phone.

I had to keep looking down at my phone to check in with all of these ongoing factors, so my wedding would not fall apart.

My demeanor was calm and relaxed. However, my maid of honor's demeanor was not calm and relaxed.

maid of honor argument
Stock image of a maid of honor and bride, and insert of friends arguing. 'She grabbed my hair from the top of my head and yanked my head back in an aggressive manner.' Gettyimages;

I sat in a chair in front of a mirror while she tried to assist me with my hair. My maid of honor snapped at me and said, "Can you stop looking down at your phone so I can see the top of your head!!" Her tone of voice was rude and agitated.

Shortly thereafter I looked back down at my phone and she grabbed my hair from the top of my head and yanked my head back in an aggressive manner. I saw her reflection in the mirror and saw her gritting her teeth as she performed this act. Just to give an idea of how much force she used.

Then she grabbed another part of my hair and yanked it as well. I quickly stood up and said I would finish doing my own hair. Her expression showed that she was mad. Why was she mad when she was yanking my hair!? I should be the mad one.

We did not address the situation then because it was not the time or place. But since then I have called her out on her rude behavior, and she will not apologize for it and we are no longer speaking to each other.

Amy, Unknown

Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.

Big Life Events Can Bring Out the Worst in People

Ulrika Lilja, co-founder of Gofrendly, a female-focused app for making and finding friends.

Dear reader,

To me, it seems that there has been a lack of communication between you and your friend. Miscommunications can happen for a variety of reasons, but in this case, it seems that your maid of honor does not understand why you were upset by her agitated attitude toward you on your wedding day.

In situations like this, it can feel conflicting for the hurt person. If the other individual does not seem receptive to a conversation about the incident, this means that the issue cannot be resolved. Equally, if your friend does not understand what she has done to upset you, she may not feel the need to apologize.

Another factor here is that the situation centers around a wedding; often one of the most essential occasions in a person's life. You are clearly hurt because your maid of honor and childhood friend, did not support you in the way that you needed on your wedding day.

Weddings are emotional times, and big life events can sometimes bring out the best and the worst in people. They can be times of such joy and sometimes such anxiety or sadness. And sometimes, with these intense feelings, we see that major life events will put even the longest of friendships to the test.

You should find a way to communicate with your friend and explain that you were especially stressed on the day for various reasons and that on your wedding day, you felt the maid of honor should have prioritized your feelings. If you calmly explain your side of the story, the fact that your wedding day meant a lot to you, and that you were upset by the situation, your maid of honor will hopefully understand and provide the apology needed to resolve this issue.

It would also be valuable here to hear your friend's side of the story. If she cannot sympathize with you in this situation, and if you can't understand each other's feelings, then perhaps this friendship was not built to last the test of time.

It May Be Time to Reconsider the Friendship

Zoe Burke, leading wedding expert at Hitched, a U.K.-based wedding planner site.

Dear reader,

You have my sympathies as this sounds like a really tough situation! It sounds like your maid of honor was very stressed, and took it out on you.

Without knowing her, it's hard to know why—do you think she could have been nervous about walking down the aisle? It's a disproportionate reaction to having someone looking at their phone, so it suggests something else was afoot.

If you want to save the friendship, I would recommend asking why she behaved the way she did and trying to understand the reason behind her behavior. If she can't give you a satisfactory reason or is unwilling to engage with you on the topic, you'll need to consider if you still want her to be a part of your life.

Weddings can be stressful and wedding mornings can cause lots of nerves, but you should have a fun time getting ready with your loved ones, and the person doing your hair and makeup should keep you calm and relaxed.

You have every right to ask her why she behaved the way she did, but you also have the right to choose not to continue the friendship if she can't explain (and apologize for) her behavior.