Hello, I'm Paul Ford. Rusty Foster is recovering. My tenure here is now over and I thank you for your patience. Here are your tabs.
TODAY IN WONKING. Ezra Klein, described by the New York Times as a top Wonkblog columnist, is leaving the Washington Post because Jeff Bezos won't buy him a unicorn.Slate suggested, via a headline sized to the exact inverse of the importance of this story, that the Post blew it with Klein just like they blew it in days of media yore by not launchingPolitico in-house, but this is an obvious counter-narrative given that everyone else would like to award the Post a special Pulitzer for not launching Politico. Maybe Marc Andreessen will buy Klein his unicorn with Bitcoin. Maybe the New York Times used the Bitcoin Andreessen gave it to run that piece (Totally kidding! Then again with Bitcoin we'll never really know!) to buy a friend for Farhad. Go inside the mind of a fanboy.
TODAY IN SUNSHINE. Florida--where prisons are now kosher, where four pilot whales beached and died, where a man beat another man to death for slicing meat wrong and a woman left her kids in a freezing car so she could hunt hogs, where a man shot himself in road rage and a cop shot a dog in front of a toddler, where a student was un-suspended after he was suspended from his high school for making porn to help his mom--planned to spend $3 million on new welcome signs.
"They Told Him White Whales Were Impossible to Hunt. That's When He Went Literally Crazy."
TODAY IN LZW. BuzzFeeD is available in pure-anim-GIF form. Reddit goes behind the GIFs. There's been an animated GIF search engine for a while, but now Pinterest is testinganimated GIFs, so brace yourself for an onslaught of gently swaying curtains. A GIF award show called the .GIFYs is a thing that people decided to do and it has award categories like "cats." RIP GIF. A Tumblr dedicated to suicide GIFs. OMG in the OED.
TODAY IN AUGMENT. Brace yourself for Sex with Google Glass (NSF*) (Just say "ok glass, it's time" and Glass will stream what you see to each other. And if you feel like stopping everything, just ask: "ok glass, pull out"). Related: Filthy sloth butts breed moths that live in sloth fur, die, and fertilize the growth of delicious algae that sloths then eat like delicious dead-moth poop algae sloth candy. Rob Ford can do a Jamaican accent, and Ukraine is intimidation-texting its protesters.
Today's song: "It's Not Right But It's Okay" covered by CHVRCHES
Today's story: "Elementals", by Ursula K. Le Guin
~As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic tab.~
If Today in Tabs seemed a little more upscale than usual today it's because we are coming to you from the classy yet understated open-plan Manhattan offices of 29th St. Publishing, to whose publications you surely already have numerous subscriptions. Many thanks to Paul Ford for tabbing this week. Thanks also as ever to Newsweek, who are working from home today. And if you don't already, you can subscribe to tabs by email. Rusty probably returns tomorrow! Or Friday, at the latest. Whatevs.