'Annoyed' Bride-To-Be Considering Demoting Bridesmaids Sparks Debate

A future bride voiced her frustration about the bridesmaids in her wedding party who were not attending her destination bachelorette party in a viral post on the "Am I Being Unreasonable" forum on Mumsnet.

Mumsnet user gemmalouise36 said she found out three of her bridesmaids were not coming to her bachelorette party for different reasons and asked if others would demote bridesmaids "for not being there."

According to Martha Stewart Weddings, pre-wedding events may be important to couples. If someone from the wedding party is unable to attend one, there is a way to handle it appropriately.

Camille McLamb, the founder of Camille Victoria Weddings LLC, told the outlet that the couple should be notified as soon as possible.

Bridesmaids
A bride sparked a debate when she asked if she was unreasonable for feeling frustrated with her bridesmaids who were not planning to attend her destination bachelorette party. Above, a stock image of a group of bridesmaids. Irina Lev/iStock

"Instead of rearranging your schedule, let the couple know about your situation," the piece stated. "And do so in a timely manner."

In her post, gemmalouise36 asked if she was out of line for feeling upset with the reasons that her bridesmaids provided for not attending the party.

"One reason is because they don't drink (but are OK in drinking situations), 2 because of the money (yet they go away 3/4 times a year and are a blood relative), and the other one hasn't given a reason but I've known her for 20 odd years, and she is going away for another wedding abroad the following month," gemmalouise36 wrote. "Am I OK for being annoyed?"

She asked for readers to share their thoughts on the matter.

Many believed that it depended on what the plans for the bachelorette party were.

"If it is costing people a lot then you can't expect people to pay for that," one reader opined. "Your wedding is not that important to other people."

They continued and wrote that while they understood why the bride would feel disappointed, demoting anyone would be "childish."

Another suggested that she host something that everyone can attend, like a small lunch out or coffee and breakfast.

One wrote that if the party is a local night out, the bride had a right to feel upset. However, if the party was a trip lasting several days, the commenter wrote that the bridesmaids were not wrong for skipping it.

Some, however, shared that gemmalouise36 was unreasonable.

"I'm getting the feeling you thrive on the drama," a commenter wrote. "Demote them? Catch onto yourself quick or they'll quit."

While a reader agreed it was frustrating that the bridesmaids backed out of the party, they wrote gemmalouise36 was more at fault for having a trip abroad.

"It's really excessive and self absorbed to expect that much money from people in the first place," they wrote.

Other people have asked for advice on online forums.

The internet supported a bridesmaid who was blamed for a $500 cleaning fee the day after a wedding, while a bride received backlash after she wanted to change all the plans for her bachelorette party.

One man was criticized for not compromising with his wife about having children at their wedding reception.