Woman Not Attending Best Friend's Wedding Over Lack of Formal Invite Backed

A woman has turned to the internet for support after not receiving an invite to her "life-long friend's" wedding.

The post, shared on the popular discussion site Mumsnet by user Vanillaoatcake, has received over 500 responses since being posted on September 26.

She explains that her "best friend," who was her maid of honor, is getting hitched on September 27, but that she didn't receive an invitation.

"Our friendship has drifted a bit in the past few years. Both have young children and that is just how life turns out sometimes, I get that. My son has additional needs. I've gone through a divorce and his diagnosis and school difficulties. She's gone through a legal battle relating to the aforementioned devastating events. It's been hard going through my stuff without her support but I accept we both have too much of our stuff going on, and neither of us wants to unload on the other. Still love her a lot."

woman waiting for text
A file photo of a woman waiting for a text. The original poster stated she texted three times asking for the wedding date, but didn't receive the details. fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus

The user states she received a "save the date" a year ago, but hasn't heard anything about the date or times since.

She added: "We have spoken frequently. About three months ago, she explained my child wasn't invited to the wedding, but I could bring my partner. It's not a child-free wedding. She has never met my partner."

The user chose not to say anything and assumed her child wasn't invited due to their additional needs. She made her menu choices and was told the invite would be sent out.

During the last two weeks, the original poster states she asked three times about where and when the wedding is, but has had no response.

"The wedding is now tomorrow and I've not heard from her. I'm not chasing her again, it is humiliating. I'm upset that she seems to have excluded my child because of their additional needs anyway. Even if she messaged me right now, I no longer want to go. I know she's busy and has a lot on her mind but as I said, several opportunities in the past few weeks where she has replied to my messages to say "yeah sure I will let you know" rather than just saying "be at X at Y time."

"Am I being unreasonable to think this friendship is over now? I can't see how we come back from this. I never said a word about her not wanting me as a bridesmaid despite being my MoH. I never said a word about her not wanting my DC there. I can't move past all of this now that I'm such an afterthought that she can't invite me."

In the comments, the user hasn't only provided screenshots of text messages to show she has asked about the wedding, but she has stated they have been friends since they were four years old. You can read the thread here.

It is possible that the friendship is over? Psychology Today, a media organization with a focus on psychology and human behavior, has shared four signs that mean you have outgrown a friendship.

  1. The relationship is depleting rather than invigorating. Some friendships become depleting over time. What does a depleting friendship feel like? You might notice that you get a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you go to make plans. When the two of you are together, maybe the conversation is all about them or tends to focus on subjects you don't care much about.
  2. You become an expired version of yourself when you're with them. Ideally, a friendship grows with you and allows you to be yourself as you are in the moment. But some friendships get stuck in the past, and one or both participants become expired versions of themselves.
  3. One person stops putting effort into the friendship. Sometimes, one person stops putting effort into maintaining the relationship. In these friendships, you make all the plans and follow up to make sure the plans happen.
  4. You have nothing in common anymore. You may have outgrown a friendship if you no longer have anything in common. Perhaps you were once best friends, but pursued different interests or education and now find that it is difficult to maintain an easy flow of conversation.

Over 500 people responded to the post, many of whom were very understanding and sympathetic.

One user said: "I'm so sorry you're going through this. Her behavior seems extremely strange. Unfortunately, it does seem as though the friendship is over. I guess all you can take from it is that you didn't do anything wrong."

Another wrote: "I wouldn't bother contacting her or anything ever again. She's made it clear she's Just not that into you. Doesn't make it any less hurtful, but makes room for better friends for you."