Woman Urged to Dump Boyfriend 'Insecure' About Earning Half Her Salary

A woman debating whether to break up with her boyfriend who allegedly earns half the amount that she does for a living and is "insecure about his status" has received a wave of support on Mumsnet.

In a post shared in the U.K.-based online forum asking whether this should be "a dealbreaker," Mumsnet user TeaFiend100 said her boyfriend of six months allegedly sent her a lengthy text saying "he's finding the way I talk about money a lot 'unattractive', that he feels I've 'lost sense of reality' because I earn more than the general population does..." and called her a "plastic liberal."

According to an October 2020 study published in the journal Frontiers in Public Health, women perceive greater insecurity under "precarious working conditions," including temporary work, informal work, salary cuts and tenure, while for men, "variables related to their professional careers (job category, education) and household incomes were relevant predictors."

The study concluded that "job insecurity affects both gender groups, but the conditions in which this perception grows are significantly impacted by gender inequality."

A couple arguing on a sofa.
A couple facing away from each other, sitting on a couch. A woman debating whether to break up with her "insecure" boyfriend has received a wave of support from users on Mumsnet. iStock/Getty Images Plus

The woman in the latest Mumsnet post said that she and her partner were planning to move in together in September and is "finding money hard" at the moment as she's "taken a 50 percent pay cut for a job with better long-term prospects than my last."

She said "he has expressed being insecure about earning less than me a few times, and money DOES come up a lot in our relationship" and she has "done SO much" to reassure him that she doesn't care that he earns less.

She also said he "can be bitter about his place in life, lack of career (he works quite a menial job in his late 30s)..." but that she's "been nothing but supportive, telling him I'm proud of him..."

When she told him that she felt "attacked and disliked" by him, he apologized.

But when she later expressed "it felt like sometimes he was bitter and it was affecting his behavior," he allegedly said "oh women, they always like to call men bitter. F**k off' and hung up the phone, only to "instantly" call back and apologize again.

She explained to him that "it's really obvious" that he is "very insecure about his status" and "he admitted he thinks he's pushing me away because he doesn't think he deserves me."

Explaining that she is about to turn 38 and wants to have a child, the girlfriend said: "We had been planning a future together, [in] which I feel very invested, and I feel so hurt that he's said all this. I don't like his immature approach to conflict, I don't like the swearing and name calling, and I don't like the fact he takes out insecurities on me.

"He has acknowledged these are his issues though. So maybe there's hope?," she asked.

Several users on Mumsnet criticized the boyfriend, saying the original poster should "bin" him and accused her partner of being an "immature selfish manchild."

LizzieSiddal said: "He sounds insecure, jealous and has a temper, and instead of congratulating you on your fantastic achievements, castigates you for being a 'plastic liberal'. Bin him, you'll be much happier."

FetchezLaVache said: "You have dodged one hell of a bullet by his kind clarification of exactly what he thinks of you before you move in with him! Bin him. Kids with him would be a nightmare. You'd be better off going it alone."

LondonWolf explained: "If you stay with this man you'll be dealing with jealousy and resentment for the rest of your life. You'll end up a shadow of yourself trying to reassure him and bend yourself into the shape he wants you to be..."

User barbrahunter warned: "You will bitterly regret it if you continue your relationship with him...you'd be better off going it alone with a baby than with him. Do not enmesh your life with this man."

User Jackie246 was more diplomatic, saying: "It's impossible for us to say whether it's a dealbreaker or not as only you (which I'm sure you know!) can decide that. However, the fact that you're asking on here shows your instincts are pricking that something is fundamentally wrong...

"I totally appreciate you wanting to start a family, so it's not a black and white 'dump him' or 'keep him'. If he shows genuine remorse and changes as of now, then maybe consider him moving in, but from what we've read, it sounds like he doesn't deserve you," the user said.

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