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By Billie Schwab Dunn
Pop Culture and Entertainment Reporter
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Lilly Jay, the ex-wife of actor Ethan Slater, has shared a poignant essay detailing the breakdown of their marriage and its aftermath, garnering widespread support online.
In a piece written for The Cut, the clinical psychologist reflects on the emotional turmoil of watching Slater move on with his Wicked co-star, Ariana Grande, while she raised their two-year-old son, calling the period "the saddest days of my life."
Slater met Grande on the set of the Wicked film adaptation; he plays Boq, a Munchkin who falls for Grande's character, Glinda. Their relationship, which became public in mid-2023, coincided with the end of both of their marriages—Grande publicly split from ex-husband Dalton Gomez—drawing speculation and criticism from fans.
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"No one gets married thinking they'll get divorced, in the same way we don't board a plane expecting to crash. But I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband's new relationship with a celebrity," Jay's essay begins.
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Newsweek emailed spokespeople for Slater and Grande for comment on Friday.
Jay and Slater, who were high school sweethearts, married in November 2018 after dating for several years. Their son was born in August 2022, but their marriage unraveled when Slater filed for divorce in July 2023. That same month, he and Grande went public with their relationship, thrusting Jay into the spotlight in the process.
In the essay, Jay revealed the sacrifices she made for Slater and their growing family, as well as the health issues she faced during childbirth.
"I survived preeclampsia, a life-threatening birth complication, and finally, our family was whole. Mine is a story of worrying in the wrong direction," she wrote.
"As a perinatal psychologist, I knew all the statistics—how vulnerable a marriage is in the postpartum period, how vital community connection is in preventing depression and anxiety, how new parenthood impacts a whole family—but I confidently moved to another country with my two-month-old baby and my husband to support his career. Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn't understand the growing distance between us."
Though she and Slater co-parent, Jay revealed her grief at having to witness her ex-husband promote Wicked around the world, describing it as a painful reminder of the "public downfall of my marriage."
"Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child," she penned.
"While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not. Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided. As for me, days with my son are sunny. Days when I can't escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker."
Additionally, Jay revealed that her career has been negatively impacted by the publicity surrounding her divorce from Slater. As a therapist, Jay explained that she had intentionally kept her life private, avoiding social media to maintain professional boundaries and ensure her patients would not know too much about her personal life. On her "darker" days, she admitted to dwelling on "the unfairness of a public divorce."
Online Support for Lilly Jay
People have taken to X (formerly Twitter) to show their support for Jay, with one person writing: "Lilly Jay, Ethan Slater's ex wife wrote an article about their public divorce and what she endured and it's actually so heartbreaking."
Someone else posted: "this is a beautiful essay about dr. lilly jay's personal life impacting her professional life, and has maybe one of the most beautiful, heartfelt endings i've read in a while.
"'our anxious minds are creative but not particularly good guessers about the future.'"
Many have applauded Jay for her writing while also sharing how sad the essay made them.
"Also I don't think @thecut has had such a well-written essay in a very long time," a different X user wrote. "Lilly Jay is a very talented and evocative author. I know a lot of people are clicking this for the tea/mess but the quality of her writing is extremely powerful."
"Just read the Lilly Jay essay. She's a beautiful writer. I feel for her so deeply. To marry your high school sweetheart, someone you've loved for ten years, nearly die having his baby, uprooting yourself for his career only for him to leave you. Ugh, what a nightmare," another person shared online.
A fan of Grande added: "Actually the lilly jay article was pretty sad and she didn't talk about either ariana or ethan at all, just about how she felt after a divorce. Let's not drag her."
Ariana Grande Addresses Controversy
Slater and Grande have faced harsh criticism online, with some accusing them of moving on too soon. In September, Grande faced some backlash from fans after addressing the drama surrounding her relationship with Slater in an interview with Vanity Fair.
"It definitely doesn't get any easier, seeing some of the negativity that was birthed by disreputable tabloids. Of course, I went through a lot of life changes during the filming of this movie. A lot of people that were working on it did," Grande said, referring to Wicked.
While she said she "will never go into certain details," she told the publication: "The most disappointing part was to see so many people believe the worst version of it."
The songstress also defended Slater, stating: "There couldn't be a less accurate depiction of a human being than the one that the tabloids spread about him. No one on this earth tries harder or spreads themselves thinner to be there for the people that he loves and cares about."
Ethan Slater Discusses Relationship
Breaking his silence in an interview with GQ, Slater acknowledged the challenges he and Grande have faced since going public with their relationship.
"Obviously, it was a really super big year and I think there was something that was really difficult about things in your private life being commented on and looked at by the public," he said.
"There were a lot of big changes in private lives that were really happening, so it's really hard to see people who don't know anything about what's happening commenting on it and speculating, and then getting things wrong about the people you love. So just to address that part of it, that feels really hard."
He added, referring to Wicked: "But, of course, it was an amazing year and a really beautiful thing, and I'm just really excited. I'm just really, really proud of Ari and the work she's done on this. She's poured herself into it."
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