Halloween Humor: 21 Jokes for Kids, Adults and Trick-or-Treaters of All Ages

Halloween may be a holiday focused on tricks, treats and haunted houses, but it can also be a non-alliterative scary good time. The world is terrifying enough already, so why not spend Halloween inspiring laughs instead of screams?

Luckily, it's 2017, so the internet has come through with a bevy of Halloween-themed jokes and some seriously bad puns for you to use. The kids over at Boys' Life magazine, for example, submitted gems like, "Why didn't the skeleton like Halloween candy? He didn't have the stomach for it," and, "Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in." Reader's Digest shared, "Why did the vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation," and, "Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind."

Related: Donald Trump Halloween costume ideas that don't suck (and make a point)

Sure, the jokes aren't particularly cerebral, but hey—they're timeless. So, too, are Halloween-themed quips by famous comedians like Jerry Seinfeld, who in one of his sets once recounted the hilarious time he learned about the holiday.

“Candy was my whole life when I was a kid. The first 10 years of my life, I think the only clear thought I had was, ‘Get candy.' That was it. Family, friends, school—they are just obstacles in the way of candy," Seinfeld said. "So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween, your brain can't even process the information. You're like, 'What is this? What did you say? What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy? Everyone that we know is just giving out candy?! Are you kidding me?'"

Tough crowd? You can always opt for something topical, like a joke about the unironically bright orange hat President Donald Trump's campaign is selling, or your can develop your own Halloween humor.

Take a look below for some of the best one-liners collected from the Telegraph, FunologyHalloween.com and Twitter:

Q: What do you call a vampire with asthma?

A: Vlad the inhaler.


Q: What's a ghost's favorite dessert?

A: I scream.


Q: How can you tell that vampires love baseball?

A: Well, they turn into bats every night.


Q: What does a witch use to keep her ponytail up?

A: Scarespray.


Q: Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? 

A: Dead ends.


Q: What do you call two witches living together?

A: Broommates.


Q: What is a ghost's nose full of?

A: Boooooogers.


Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

A: A sand-witch.