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A post about a wife who was furious after her husband "hadn't checked in at all" during a night out while her grandmother was rushed to a hospital with "a life-threatening condition" has gone viral on Reddit, where it has received 12,800 upvotes.
In a post shared on Reddit's Am I the A****** (AITA) subforum under the username PrettyHateMachinexxx, the 34-year-old nurse said her husband, 35, planned to be in "the next state over" during the weekend for a college reunion while she stayed home with their 2-year-old baby. The poster said all was "fine and well" until she received a call from her parents who said the poster's grandmother was in excruciating pain.
After telling her parents to call an ambulance to get her grandmother to the emergency room, "I called my husband right after and the last update that I gave him before his party was that they were transferring her to another hospital for emergency surgery for a life-threatening condition," the poster wrote.
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She said she later "blew up" at her husband after receiving a "drunken selfie" of him and another person from "a random number" because her husband's phone had died. She explained "how irresponsible it was for him to get drunk and let his phone die" while she was alone with their baby "during a family emergency."
A December 2021 study published in the peer-reviewed journal Frontiers in Psychology said: "Communication has been found to be the bedrock or the 'heart' in supporting and promoting relationship satisfaction."
The study also said recent studies have linked "satisfaction with constructive responses in conflicts (accommodation) and sharing of personal triumphs (capitalization)."
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The wife in the Reddit post said the emergency happened right before the husband's party, and she "called him immediately." He "was sober at that time and aware that the situation was touch and go," according to the poster.
The wife was "worried sick" about her grandmother and was "waiting anxiously at home" during her surgery, which took much longer than expected. But her husband "didn't check in at all (not even the next morning)."
He apologized for not "checking in more," but said he "did his due diligence in making himself reachable," according to the post. His wife wrote that "a random number texting me a drunk selfie does not count as him telling me that his phone was dead and that's how I should reach him."
According to the poster, the husband told his wife that she's "just overreacting and it's not a big deal because 'it's not like he could do anything from another state.'" The wife said her husband claimed "he did no wrong" and said "he shouldn't have to disrupt his plans to 'cater to me.'"
The poster went on: "I didn't ask him to take the next flight home, just be available or communicate that he wasn't. I told him that I was afraid and he could have at least checked to see if I was okay."
In a later update, the poster said her husband finally gave her "a sincere apology," saying that "he wishes he had done differently and how insensitive his response, or lack of, was."
'It Is Not About Catering but Comforting'
Craig Kain, a psychologist based in Long Beach, California, told Newsweek: It "hurts and causes us immense fear when we are in a crisis and the person we believe we can always count on isn't available."
What is "most hurtful" about the situation in the Reddit post is the husband's initial reaction, "especially his comment about catering to his spouse," Kain said.
Kain explained: "It is not about catering but comforting. If he could have been more comforting in his initial response...he could have minimized the damage to the relationship."
Jordan Marks, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, told Newsweek that the "key issue" is that "the wife was scared and needed reassurance. The husband wasn't there to acknowledge her fear and offer support when she was frightened."
The Husband 'Needs to Do More Than Apologize'
Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist in Beverly Hills, California, told Newsweek that the husband's "lame excuses are unacceptable."
She said that while he has apologized, this incident should be taken "as a BIG red flag."
The situation has "surely eroded" the poster's trust in him, and "he needs to do more than apologize."
Lieberman also said the husband needs to "earn" his wife's trust back through his behavior. "He needs to prove he wants to be a responsible husband and dad—not a drunken frat boy," she said.
'He's Old Enough to Know Better'
Several users on Reddit were sympathetic toward the original poster.
In a comment that got 34,500 upvotes, user werealldoomed2022 said: "The least [the husband] should have done is check in as soon as he knew what was happening and apologize for missing communication earlier."
In a comment that got 10,000 upvotes, user taafp9 said: "While i can see that he couldn't have done anything from another state...your partner should care about you enough to check in, despite not being able to do anything for you. Sometimes 'doing something' isn't what's needed, but instead being supportive."
User cadaloz1 wrote: "NTA [not the a******] since he was sober when he first heard about the situation. Getting drunk with buddies v. supporting your partner in a family emergency? He's old enough to know better, and he could have used his friend's phone to check in on you, and nobody needs to get incoherent drunk at his age. What a jerk."
Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.
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