Internet Backs Woman Who 'Ruined' Husband's Birthday Dinner

A woman received online support after revealing in a now-viral post that she "ruined" her husband's birthday dinner.

Posting in Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) forum under the username u/throwrabdayso, the woman asked: "AITA for walking out in the middle of my husband's birthday dinner?" The post has amassed over 10,000 upvotes and thousands of comments while highlighting a rather common relationship problem.

Upset woman at dinner
A woman received online support after sharing that she "ruined" her husband's birthday. Prostock-Studio/istock

'Am I The A**hole?'

"My husband and I have been together for three years and married for five months. Our relationship has been without any problems until the week before our wedding," the woman's post began.

The problem, she said, revolved around her husband's long-term friend, Ava.

"I never had a problem with Ava, I thought it was very obvious that she and my husband are just friends, I mean she had a long-term boyfriend and all. So, I felt no jealousy or anything. I actually got along with Ava pretty well. We all hung out together regularly," she explained.

A week before their wedding, however, Ava admitted to having feelings for the woman's husband and begged him not to go through with the wedding.

"My husband and I both agreed to cut her off," the woman wrote. "We uninvited her to our wedding and neither one of us has been in contact with her since."

Until Wednesday, that is.

"It was my husband's 30th birthday yesterday [and] he just wanted to have a dinner with family and friends...so, we are all in a restaurant eating when all of a sudden Ava walks in," she recalled.

Ava walked over to their table and wished the woman's husband a happy birthday. Unfortunately, the interaction didn't stop there.

I look at my husband like, 'what the f**k are you doing.'
Original Poster

"I expect her to leave but then my husband asks if she wants to join us. I look at my husband like, 'what the f**k are you doing.' I'm visibly uncomfortable and irritated. I stand up and tell Ava that she can have my seat and then I walk out and get an Uber home because I want absolutely nothing to do with her," she said.

Later that night, the woman's husband said she'd acted "immaturely" and "ruined" his birthday.

Jealousy in Relationships

According to Vice, "most persistent fights in relationships revolve around people," or "jealousy."

It's human nature—to survive, to protect ourselves and to protect our families.
Rachel Sussman, relationship expert and therapist

"It's human nature—to survive, to protect ourselves and to protect our families. We tend to think that someone might endanger our relationship and that elicits some anxiety, some fear of losing this person," therapist Rachel Sussman told VICE. "We describe that feeling by calling it 'jealousy,' but it's actually a fear that something might happen to your relationship and you might lose the person that you love."

When talking to a partner about feelings of jealousy, insecurity or anxiety, Psychologist QuaVaundra Perry reminds couples to not only bring specific incidents in which they feel boundaries were crossed but also be "non-accusatory."

In the event a person's partner has a "bad reaction" to the conversation, i.e. they resort to name-calling, accusations, etc., Sussman recommends the conversation starter "pull away" and re-assess the relationship.

Redditor Reactions

Commenters agreed u/throwrabdayso had every right to react the way she did and slammed her husband for not respecting her boundaries regarding Ava.

"NTA [not the a**hole]. Five short months ago, this woman tried to steal your partner and ruin your wedding. She OBVIOUSLY has no guilt over this, and she just took those five months to develop her next plan, not get over him. You haven't even been married half a year, and your husband is already going back on agreements you have made and overstepping your boundaries," u/ggolden2 wrote.

"Whether or not Ava was there by coincidence...your husband folded pretty quickly on the 'no contact' agreement. All he had to do was say, 'thank you,' to her and move along," u/PetuniaGoBlue. "What exactly does your husband think the boundaries are for 'no contact?' Because I'd have immediately said that having dinner, unexpected or not, clearly falls into the category of 'contact.'"

u/ConfusedGamerKitty added: "NTA. You had every right to walk out of dinner, I would've done the same."

Newsweek has reached out to u/throwrabdayso for comment.

Other AITA posts to go viral in recent weeks include a woman who made a dig at her boyfriend's cousin after being called a "gold digger," a man who "ruined" his brother's family by telling his niece a family secret, and a mom who reported a hospital employee for touching her baby without permission.