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By Lucy Notarantonio
Senior Reporter
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A man has been urged to call off his wedding after sharing a recent row with his fiancee about his finances.
The Reddit post titled, "AITA [Am I The A******?] for refusing to share my bonus with my fiancée's family?" quickly went viral, racking up more than 15,000 upvotes.
The 30-year-old who goes by u/Beastie420 wrote that he works in tech and received a **"**significant year-end bonus" of $50,000. He added that the money is going straight into his house saving fund.
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"My fiancee (28F [female]) knows this and was initially very supportive," the poster wrote. "Then she dropped a bomb on me. She asked if I could "spare" $25,000 of my bonus to help her parents pay off their mortgage." Newsweek reached out to u/Beastie420 for comment via TikTok. We could not verify the details of the case.
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His in-laws have been struggling financially, and the fiancee said it is only fair as they are going to be his family, once they tie the knot.
**"**I said no," he wrote, adding how hard he has worked for the money. While he can sympathize with her parents, he doesn't feel like it is his responsibility to bail them out.
"She called me selfish and accused me of 'not caring about her family,'" the fiance wrote. His partner then brought up how her parents have sacrificed so much for her, and it is the least he could do.
"She's been cold to me ever since," the man wrote. "She's also told her parents about my bonus (without my permission), and now I'm getting guilt-tripped by them. They haven't outright asked for money, but they've made several comments about how 'lucky' I am to have extra cash and how 'some people don't get that kind of opportunity.'"
Since then, the partner has doubted their future, and his friends are split on whether he is being "reasonable or stingy."
'Couples Should Talk About Money'
Newsweek discussed the December 11 post with James Brien, the author of The Mindful Divorce: How to Heal and Be Happy After Separation after his own split.
Brien also founded Easy Online Divorce, which aims to reduce the financial and emotional impact on families, based in England. He said that money is the cause of many problems in relationships.
Brien added: "I would say almost half of couples who divorce do so over money, whether it's financial pressures due to the cost of living or having different ideas or attitudes about money.
"Our attitude toward money is shaped by a complex interplay of factors such as upbringing, past experiences, cultural influences and personal beliefs. These are often so deeply rooted and hidden from view that we don't know what it is that leads us to make the financial decisions we do.
"From a relationship point of view, facing or hearing opposing attitudes toward money feels so uncomfortable we often ignore the small signs until it becomes a big problem—overspending, debt, secrecy, clashes of personal values," Brien said.
"It's not sexy, but I think all couples should talk about money in the early stages to make sure they are on the same page and avoid potential future problems like this man."
Reddit Reacts
The post has been inundated with red flag emoji and almost 9,000 comments—many of which are suggesting a break-up.
"Pretty sure this is going to be the rest of your life. You being expected to pay for her and her family. If you want that go for it," wrote one user.
Another agreed: "If they 'sacrificed so much for her' SHE should help them pay their mortgage. I would think long and hard about continuing with this one because this is going to be your life. She's happy volunteering your money and then she's childish when you tell her no."
A third said: "NTA [not the a******], seriously reconsider this relationship. This is a major red flag! It's giving, 'what's yours is mine & what's mine is mine' vibes & you're not even married yet."
Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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