Man Backed for Telling Friend He's Not the 'Victim' After Breakup

A post about a man who told his allegedly "narcissistic" friend to "stop trying to play the victim" following a breakup has gone viral on Reddit.

In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A**hole (AITA) subforum under the username Square_Wave9672, the man said his friend Bill has been living with his now ex-girlfriend Sarah since the end of April.

Bill allegedly "randomly broke up with her" a few months ago, but she's been unable to move out because her new home isn't available until September 30.

According to the user Bill has allegedly "always displayed narcissistic personality traits," especially in his previous relationships.

He said: "Sarah wanted to be as mature and friendly about the whole thing as possible, but Bill has done nothing but be as antagonistic as possible."

After hearing his complaints, the user told Bill to "stop trying to play the victim. No one here thinks you're the victim in this...so just stop b****ing and get over it."

The user asked "AITA for how I handled it?"

Two men chatting outdoors.
A stock image of two men sitting outside, with one looking distraught with his head down. A post about a man who told his friend to "stop trying to play the victim" after a breakup has gone viral on Reddit. iStock/Getty Images Plus

A narcissist displays "a pathological inflated sense of self-importance and lack of insight and empathy towards others," Adam Borland, a psychologist from the Cleveland Clinic, told Newsweek in April.

Ramani Durvasula—a clinical psychologist who has appeared with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith on the Red Table Talk show—also told Newsweek in April that "underlying all of this is a fragility and a sense of insecurity or inadequacy."

According to a February 2022 study, which was "the first to examine how narcissism relates to reactions to romantic breakup" and was published in the peer-reviewed journal Personality and Individual Differences, "narcissistic rivalry was associated with greater externalized (anger) and internalized (sadness and anxiety) negative emotion, while narcissistic admiration was associated with greater anger and less sadness."

The study said: "Narcissism was unrelated to attributions of blame for the breakup or relationship problems, but admiration was associated with a greater role in initiating breakup."

Narcissistic admiration entails having a belief that you are special and a desire to charm, Gwendolyn Seidman, a co-author of the study, explained in a February 2021 article for Psychology Today.

The 28-year-old user in the latest viral post said that "Bill randomly broke up with" Sarah, 33. "When asked what happened, he says that he just hated that his house no longer felt like his house because of all of her stuff. Which everyone thinks is ridiculous," the user said.

Since the breakup, the user said Bill, 29, has "done stupid stuff like blaring the tv when he knows she's [Sarah's] trying to sleep. And he's also done really cruel things, like calling up a booty call, putting her on speaker phone and talking to her about when they could hook up when he knew Sarah could hear it."

The original poster said Bill "kept complaining, trying to sound like the victim in the situation." He told Bill "if you could have been mature about the breakup, then there wouldn't be any victims...but you made Sarah the victim by all of your actions."

Several Redditors backed the original poster's reaction to Bill and urged him to stop having him as a friend.

In a comment that got 9,000 upvotes, user crunchyleafs_ said the original poster was "NTA [not the a**hole] And from every ex gf [girlfriend] of a narcissistic a**hole, thank you. Seriously why are you friends with such a tool tho?"

In a comment that got over 2,000 upvotes, the original poster replied: "I know it sounds bad, but a lot of the guys in our group are very introverted and hate talking to new people. He's one of the few who brings in new people. I think that's why we keep him around."

User JLAOM said: "That's not a good excuse. Please drop this guy. His charisma is not worth it."

User SeraEck said the user was "NTA For standing up for Sarah," however, "you might wish to take a deeper look at your relationship [with] this guy. He's a narcissistic charismatic A H [a**hole] that you hang out with because you appreciate 'bringing new people' (girlfriend possibilities?)"

"Regardless of that, you give unspoken approval of his behavior because other than this time, you've remained silent while he gets to put down all the women in his life as crazy," SeraEck added.

User duperando said: "why keep him around? Stop passively allowing this dude to be an abuser. Your enabling of his behavior is a big part of the problem."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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