By Lydia Patrick
Life & Trends Reporter
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A mom was supported by thousands of Reddit users when she shared the reason she refused to send her daughter to cheerleading practice with her ex-husband's partner, who he cheated on her with.
Redditor Competitive-Let-8254, a 40-year-old woman, revealed that the new girlfriend, Jen, used to be an avid cheerleader and cannot have children of her own. As a result, Jen wanted her 10-year-old daughter to attend cheerleading practice. The post garnered 21,000 upvotes in the subreddit "AITAH[ Am I The A******."
"My daughter told me about it the other week because Jen was trying to make her go and my ex was backing Jen on it. She told me she didn't want to and she needed my help. All the kids are aware of the fact stuff like that has to be agreed on by both me and their dad," she wrote.
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The mom also shared more context surrounding the affair, which happened several years ago. Her ex left her to be with his affair partner and now looks after the children for six days a month.
The OP explained how she has refused to let Jen act as a second mother to her children, especially since Jen knew her before the infidelity, and claimed Jen tried to get closer to her during that time with the intent of being forgiven afterward.
"I reached out and told my ex our daughter will not be put into cheer against her will and that he needs to stop pressuring her to join. He didn't respond back the way he's supposed to (through the app), so I noted his reply on the app and got a lot of cussing back," she wrote.
Jen tried to call the OP, but she did not answer. Later, Jen approached her when she saw her in a store.
She told the mom she couldn't punish her by depriving her of her children and that she had every right to form a close bond with them since she had been in their lives since they were little.
"I told her she does not get to force my kids into stuff like that against their will," the OP added.
...
She walked away, but Jen followed her, saying it was her dream to have a daughter to share cheer with.
"I told her she should have a daughter of her own if she wants to share it and leave mine alone."
"She stopped following me after that, and I heard from my ex a few times after, saying I was cruel to say that to her when I know she can't have children. AITA?" she asked.
Expert Weighs In
Licensed psychotherapist Renée Zavislak told Newsweek: "If OP's daughter does not want to do cheerleading, then certainly she should not be forced to, nor should she bear the responsibility of fulfilling Jen's dreams. OP is not at all the a**** for holding that boundary for her daughter."
However, Zavislak cautioned against the impact of hostility on the children, stating: "What is worrisome, however, is the hostility that OP is modeling for her kids.
"So often, the adults in a fractured family struggle to keep their anger away from the children, and it seems that is the case here."
She encouraged OP and the other adults to focus on creating "a stable, loving environment for the children" while avoiding unnecessary cruelty, such as the comment about Jen having her own children.
Zavislak suggested a more measured approach: "A more regulated response to Jen could have been, 'My daughter has expressed that she is not interested in cheerleading and she feels pressured by you to join. I understand that you hoped to share the cheer experience with her, but since she has been clear that she does not want to participate, I ask that you drop the subject.'"
Reddit Reacts
Redditors largely backed the mom for how she handled the conflict.
"NTA - I love it when people think they can force kids to do stuff, forget adding the affair into the mix," said one user.
"NTA. First she steals the spouse, now she's after the kids. Remember to record all the interactions with Jen in the parenting app. Do it as a 'your wife approached and harassed me in the store over stuff we have already discussed in the app regarding activities the children do not want to do, but she does, and you are pressuring the kids to accept it,'" said another.
"OP could have also come back with, 'It was my dream that my husband would love me and not cheat on me, but we don't always get what we want,'" said another viewer.
Newsweek reached out to Competitive-Let-8254 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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