Mom Urged to Dump Cheating Husband for Messaging 'Ex-Mistress': 'Raging'

A mom has been urged to dump her cheating husband after she discovered he is still messaging his "ex-mistress."

The mother of three, thought to be from the U.K, discovered her husband was having an affair with a young woman at their tennis club for several years around five months ago, but had decided to try and make their marriage work.

Taking to Mumsnet for advice, the woman, 34, explained that despite their relationship ending and the now former lover moving away, her husband has still been messaging the other woman platonically in secret.

According to survey from the General Social Survey(GSS) conducted between 2010 and 2016, men are more likely to cheat on their spouse, with 20 percent of men asked admitting they'd had sex with someone else while married, compared to 13 percent of women.

Young woman playing tennis
Young woman playing tennis. The mom found out her husband was having an affair with a young woman at their tennis club. Getty Images

The post is captioned "Husband still messages his ex-mistress." It received nearly 400 replies and can be found here. It read: "Someone talk some sense to me. My husband had an affair with a girl at his tennis club for several years.

"He called it off about 5 months ago as he finally woke up. but I found out anyway. We've been working through it and it's been okay. He was never going to leave me and the kids for this girl. I almost feel sorry for her. They never see each other now."

The woman, who has been in a relationship with her husband since they were just 16, insisted that her husband was the one who ended the affair and that his lover was in "floods of tears" once he broke it off.

The woman, 29, was apparently desperate to continue their illicit tryst, but the woman's husband said he wanted to focus on spending time with her family.

Despite other users encouraging her to end the relationship, the mom said her children would be "heartbroken" and that despite the affair, she is still in love with her husband.

Posting under the name user25415 on Thursday, she explained that the woman no longer goes to their tennis club and that the relationship was broken off a week before she relocated.

She said while there is "nothing sexual" in the messages, she still believes they shouldn't be in touch at all.

She explained: "I peeked when his phone kept blowing up. Completely platonic messages. Nothing romantic. Nothing sexual. If I didn't know who it was, I would just think it was an old friend catching up.

"There was a mention of how it's been 5 months since they last saw each other (hence why I know they haven't met up).

"But I'm anxious. Why do men stay in touch with their ex-mistresses even though they never see each other? Are they really just maintaining a friendship? Why can't he let her go? If he did want to start an affair with her again, he's never going to see her and he'll never leave us all for her so what's the point? What does he achieve?

"I am confident he is not cheating anymore as it was a one off with this girl. And it's not like they will ever see each other again as it's logistically difficult. The text messages are completely platonic."

Other users were quick to comment on the post, with several urging the mom to "ditch" her husband and claiming the man is "untrustworthy and disrespectful."

"You need to ditch him, he can't be trusted. You say it went on for several years and ended 5 months ago, but further on you say it was a once off?" one said.

Another added: "He doesn't sound trustworthy. Sorry you've gone through this. He shouldn't have had an affair. He shouldn't be texting her. He doesn't seem to know how to behave as a married man. You shouldn't be having to teach him how to be loyal, he should just be loyal. You deserve better."

"He has not ended it. Contacting her shows he is hedging his bets and is very disrespectful to you. He is not committed to making your relationship work," said a third.

Another impassioned user commented: "For several years your H was having sex with another woman and you are fine with it? he must feel like he has won the lottery. No wonder he is keeping in touch with the woman—just in case he gets itchy again or she pops over. Why are you so passive?"

"You say she's moved away—this makes me think the affair only ended due to geographical reasons rather than because it was actually over. I suspect he'd still be seeing her if she lived nearby. Why is your self esteem so low that you are accepting being treated like this?" said a fifth user.