Mr. Big Might Be Dead, But Let's Face It—He Was Never 'The One' For Carrie

Although it's hard to pinpoint Carrie Bradshaw's (Sarah Jessica Parker) worst relationship, Mr. Big is definitely one of the main contenders—and is one fish she should've thrown back into the sea…for good.

Sex and the City's reboot, And Just Like That…, has finally arrived on HBO Max (sans Kim Cattrall, sigh). But one thing fans just can't help but wonder is… why did they have to bring back Big?

Well, it turns out they have—but also they haven't.

Yep, in a bold move, the reboot axed Chris Noth's character in its first episode, killing him off via Peloton bike.

During a dramatic sequence interspersed with Lily's (Cathy Ang) piano concert, Mr. Big was seen going hard at his spin class, before keeling over near the shower. A distraught Carrie found him lying on the bathroom floor, before he died of a heart attack.

While it was definitely a gut-wrenching scene, we have to set the record straight on the whole Carrie-Big situation: he was never the archetypal dream guy every woman desired, as the show set him up to be, and he certainly wasn't The One for Carrie.

Not only was he emotionally manipulative throughout the original series, the depiction of their "unconventional" married life in the second movie was enough to turn off even the most devoted Chris Noth fan (like, really, who cares that he'd rather eat noodles from a takeaway box than go to some premiere?).

Yes, their early relationship was full of drama and was the driving force of the plot, and Big is definitely a great character, but he should never have been Carrie's One.

In fact, they had to introduce the likes of Jack Berger and Aleksandr Petrovsky to Season 6, just to make Big seem half-decent in comparison and have fans rooting for him when he went to Paris to "go get our girl" in the final episode.

And yet, despite all his flaws, Carrie was irrevocably in love with him and had this masochistic desire to open herself up to more and more hurt. Yes, she's not exactly the first person to do this, but her desire to change a man who is quite clearly unwilling to bend and is emotionally unavailable is damaging for her and frustrating to watch.

According to psychotherapist Dr. Akua Boateng, one should never seek to change their partners. "Change comes from within," she told Newsweek. "A person needs to desire a change in order for it to be successful and sustainable."

Sex and the City Mr Big
Chris Noth as Mr. Big and Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw. "Sex and the City" also hyped Mr. Big up as the ultimate man—but in reality, he was trash. HBO

Indeed, Carrie ignored all manner of red flags in their early relationship. He would belittle her in front of his friends, he refused to meet The Girls (and was late when he eventually decided to step up), and he ghosted her for long periods on end.

Even after they broke up, he didn't respect her need for distance and constantly tried to undermine her future romantic relationships. And we're not just talking about that gut-wrenching storyline of when she cheated on Aidan with him (poor Aidan). We're talking about his incessant digs at her new beaus, like Berger (who, granted, deserved it), and his bizarre obsession with the jazz guy who asked Carrie out while she was at dinner with Big as friends. He even went so far as to join them in their cab ride home to further c**k-block her and assert his control.

As viewers, we're led to believe this sort of behavior is romantic and proves that he is The One for her all along, because he hovers around her like a bad smell. But, in reality, it's just creepy. He didn't want her when they were together, then strung her along for years and prevented her from moving on.

On why Carrie turned a blind eye time and again, Dr. Boateng explained: "Often in the beginning [...] many people desire for the relationship to work out. As a result they may experience confirmation bias in favor of the relationship."

She added: "Red flags compel a person to challenge behavior that might require confrontation. Confrontation is tough for many people."

When asked how people can walk away from toxic relationships, Dr. Boateng commented: "Learn about the benefits of setting boundaries in your life. Read and educate yourself on safe ways to do this. Ask for support and then make a decision."

Of course, the big (pardon the pun) alarm bell was their wedding in the first movie. Despite the months of planning and seemingly having gotten past his personal hook-ups, Mr. Big humiliated Carrie by not showing up and jilting her at the altar.

So, why did Carrie keep going back for more?

Dr. Boateng explained: "Mr. Big represented the man who took care of a woman. He provided her with the life she desired.

"Women are now more attracted to the idea of being the conduit of their own success. Mr. Big is not a necessity for this any longer."

The first two episodes of And Just Like That… are available to stream on HBO Max now.

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