Partner Bashed for Anger Towards 'Ill' Husband for Not Doing Many Chores

The internet has slammed a partner for anger towards their husband after he only completed a few chores.

In a now-deleted post to Reddit's controversial r/AmITheA**hole forum, a partner using a now-banned account named u/strugglingaita, shared their story to receive feedback from the "AITA" community.

The original poster (OP) began their story by explaining how they have been dealing with mental health issues recently. They admitted that they put off getting help but finally began going to therapy. They described it as "eye-opening, stressful, frightening and enlightening." They wrote they've been struggling with anxiety for years and found out they have ADHD as well as possibly being on the autism spectrum.

They wrote that their husband has been supportive through their journey but he felt like he isn't their "priority" anymore. They had an argument and he said he felt that like an "afterthought" and they put their son, dog and "everything else" in their lives before him. They told him that they need to focus on themselves before they can help anyone else, but he can't seem to "grasp" that thought process.

"I tried to explain all the things he could do to help support me better to help me get to a place where I have the emotional, physical, and mental energy to be there for him more, but he got pissed because he felt I was invalidating everything he said and just made more work for him," they wrote.

Recently, the OP decided to take their son to a pumpkin patch. Unfortunately, their husband wasn't feeling well as he had a cold and wanted to stay home. They asked their husband to do some chores around the house.

Partner not prioritizing husband and marriage
Above, a man and woman argue. Published to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a partner was slammed for their anger towards "ill" husband after he didn't do many chores. Boris Jovanovic/iStock / Getty Images Plus

The OP said, "When we got home, he was just sitting on the couch watching football. The only thing he did was clean the shower, do the dishes, and pick up lunch for us. There was still laundry to be folded, yard work to be done, meal planning, etc. I was not happy. I was texting my mom about the pumpkin patch and kind of venting about my husband not doing things around the house, but I accidentally sent a few of the texts to him instead of my mom. He got pissed when he saw them.

"He said that he doesn't feel good, just wants to rest, and I'm complaining to other people about him and that makes him feel like s**t. He said he tried doing a few things, got lightheaded, and just wants to rest and all I care about is whether or not the clothes are folded. He said this is exactly what he means when he says he feels like he doesn't matter to me. But all I want is a little help around the house so that I don't constantly feel overwhelmed," they continued.

The OP felt overwhelmed as there are "so many things going on in their head on a daily basis" that their husband doesn't understand. Their husband has been giving them the cold shoulder since their argument.

Newsweek has published several articles regarding conflicts in relationships including a man who was slammed for not visiting his girlfriend in the hospital due to "anxiety," a man with "mental health issues" who was dragged online for always being late for dates and how a man was bashed for calling his partner a "bad wife" for drinking alcohol.

Tip on how to take care of your mental health

Are you in a similar situation as the OP? Are you looking for ways to take better care of your mental health? According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 1 in 5 adults in the United States experience mental illness every year.

Per the National Institute of Mental Health, here are some activities and tips on how to take care of your mental health:

  • Exercise daily. Walking for at least 30 minutes a day can help boost your mood and improve your health.
  • Eat healthy and regular meals and drink tons of water. Eating will improve your energy and help you focus during the day.
  • Prioritize sleeping by getting enough sleep each night and avoid blue lights from technology before bedtime.
  • Experiment with relaxing activities including meditating, breathing exercises and journaling.
  • Set goals and priorities for yourselves and know when to say "no" to certain activities that can make you overwhelmed.
  • Try your best at changing your thought process and focus on the positives rather than the negatives.
  • If you need help or support, reach out to trusted family and friends.

Redditor reactions

U/mm172 commented on how many chores the OP's husband did, receiving the top comment of over 18,000 upvotes, "[You're the a**hole.] That sounds like a lot for someone who wasn't feeling well enough to go on the fun outing when that would've presented a perfect opportunity for the quality time he wants more of. (Seriously, you want someone with a head cold doing yard work when the weather's turned cold enough for a pumpkin patch to sound like a good idea? How long do you want him laid up for?)

"But okay. Fine. Let's pretend your grievances were entirely justified. If you don't actually stand behind them enough that you would never have wanted him finding out what you said, why were you talking like that to anyone else? And if you are so fed up with him that you don't care, don't you think maybe you'd be better served taking that to a counselor than your mom," the commenter continued.

"[You're the a**hole]. He was ill, he did what he could. I get needing to focus on yourself but if your marriage is a priority to you then you need to include it on your priority list. I think the two of you could do with some couple's counselling to help mediate this difficult period," u/coppeliuseyes said.

U/Bizzy1717 commented, "[You're the a**hole]. He was sick and did several things around the house/for you while you were gone, and what does he get? Yet another fight and knowledge that you're talking about him behind his back. It sounds like nothing is good enough. And did you seriously expect he'd have time to clean bathrooms, do dishes, do laundry, do the yardwork, get lunch, AND meal plan while you were at a pumpkin patch? That's a TON of chores and completely unreasonable even if he felt 100%."

U/0biterdicta gave the OP some advice, "[You're the a**hole]. Your husband tells you he feels like an afterthought, and your response is to make it all about you and how he can support you. Then when he takes a break for a day because he doesn't feel well, which it sounds like you have been doing plenty of yourself, you get upset. Having a partner who is dealing with mental health issues can be physical and mentally exhausting too, and he may have just needed recharge his batteries.

"I get it. I have been in a really dark place with my mental health so I really understand having an extremely limited energy pool to draw from and having to make decisions about priorities. But your husband's needs don't stop mattering just because you are hurting. You need to work with him and your therapist to help meet his needs too. Maybe carving out some scheduled time together will help," the commenter concluded.