Woman 'Stealing' the Spotlight With Pregnancy News Backed Online

A post about a woman who was shunned by her family after sharing news of her pregnancy on the same day that her cousin announced her engagement has received a wave of support on Reddit.

On Reddit's AITA (Am I the A******) subforum, user wufflepufflee said she is part of an extended family group chat on Facebook. Earlier this year in the chat, her aunt asked if anyone had any life updates to share, and her cousin said she had gotten engaged to her partner of seven years.

"All the family including myself congratulated her and I was genuinely very happy," the poster wrote. "I didn't think too much of it at the time but I thought since we were going around sharing our life updates, I thought it would only be fitting to announce my pregnancy in the group chat as well. All my family congratulated me as well and everyone seemed really excited about my baby news including my cousin."

But a couple of days later, the poster said, her cousin messaged her "a long paragraph absolutely furious." The cousin accused the user of "stealing her spotlight" by announcing the pregnancy on the same day as her engagement, "although she seemed happy for me in the group chat the day before."

The poster said she "immediately apologized" and "felt so guilty after the fact." But her cousin never messaged her after her apology, she said, and "I didn't talk to her again for the rest of my pregnancy."

Pregnant woman waving during video call.
A stock image shows a pregnant woman saying hello during a video call. A woman said on Reddit she was shunned by her family after sharing news of her pregnancy on the same day that her cousin announced her engagement. iStock/Getty Images Plus

In a 2019 survey of 1,340 adults in the U.S. conducted by Karl Pillemer, a professor of gerontology in medicine at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York, just over a quarter (27 percent) reported having a current family estrangement.

Most had a rift with an immediate family member, with 24 percent estranged from a parent, 14 percent from a child and 30 percent from siblings. The rest were estranged from other relatives, according to the study's findings, which were published in Pillemer's book Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.

The Reddit poster said the incident has "formed a wedge" between her mom and her aunt, as they have taken sides. Months later, the poster's daughter was born on the same day as her cousin's birthday, but the poster could not bring herself to announce the birth because her cousin had turned 30, which is "a huge milestone."

The poster said: "I am already not on speaking terms with my cousin and her family just over this and don't want to steal my cousin's spotlight a second time.

"Although I feel deep down that I have every right to celebrate my daughter's birth and her future birthdays without having to feel guilty of stealing someone else's spotlight just because they share a birthday," she wrote.

Julie Blouin, a certified professional coach, mindset expert, author and motivational speaker, told Newsweek, "Mindset plays a pivotal role in determining your level of happiness and success in life."

When a family member asks about life updates, as in the case described in the Reddit post, "the fact that she announced her pregnancy after her cousin announced her engagement has nothing to do about stealing the spotlight," Blouin said. "There is room for everyone to shine, as we shouldn't be in competition with anyone else."

When conflict arises between a person with "a scarcity mindset" and one with "an abundance mindset," Blouin said, it's best to "detach to give them room to flourish and grow, or it will bring unnecessary drama, gossip or perpetual crisis into your life."

Factors to Consider Before Announcing a Pregnancy

Bill McKenna, an author and founder of the Cognomovement, a cognitive movement exercise system "designed for the quick and powerful change of chronic problems and patterns," told Newsweek: "As anyone who has been pregnant can attest, the timing of when to announce a pregnancy can be a sensitive and personal decision. However, the decision can also have an impact on family dynamics and, in some cases, can even lead to a rift within the family."

Below are five elements to consider before announcing your pregnancy, according to McKenna.

  • Your own readiness: Be sure you're ready and comfortable with the idea of being pregnant. Take the time to process your own feelings and make sure you're in a good place emotionally before making any announcements.
  • Your partner's feelings: See how your partner feels about the pregnancy and the timing of the announcement. Make sure you have open and honest communication about your plans and make a decision together.
  • Your relationship with your family: Think about your relationship with your family and how they might react to the news. Are there any potential sources of conflict or tension that you should be aware of before making the announcement?
  • The timing of the announcement: If you're planning to announce your pregnancy at a family gathering, make sure it's not going to coincide with any other major announcements or celebrations.
  • Your plans for the pregnancy: Have you thought about your plans for the pregnancy, including your parenting style and whether you'll be returning to work after the baby is born? It's important to have a clear idea of your plans before announcing the pregnancy, as it can affect how your family and others respond to the news.

Several users on Reddit showed support for the original poster.

In a comment that got 15,400 upvotes, mynamecouldbesam said the original poster is "NTA [not the a******]" and wrote, "It's not like you stood up whilst she was saying her vows and interrupted. You just followed one exciting announcement with another...time to move on IMO [in my opinion].

User chewwydraper agreed, saying: "Yeah this isn't like she announced she was pregnant at her cousin's wedding where it was stealing the spotlight at an event that was paid for and designed for the bride and groom. Her cousin doesn't own the entire day when she announces an engagement. NTA."

In a comment that got 2,100 upvotes, rncikwb said: "This is a very obvious NTA situation."

Such_Invite_4376 wrote: "The announcement was just on family group chat, not at an engagement party [eye-rolling face emoji] I mean seriously the whole point of the group chat is to share family news."

User conace21said: "It would even be different if the cousin made an unsolicited announcement in the group chat. Announcing the pregnancy in response to that - it is kind of tacky. But the aunt asked the question, and it's not a race, where only the first person to respond gets to answer. NTA."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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