Mom Dumping Her 'Millionaire' Boyfriend Over His Cheap Dates Sparks Debate

A post about a woman who wants to end a relationship with her partner because he is "extremely tight" has gone viral on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.

On Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum, user Lucasmamax, who has a son, wrote that the couple had been dating for a few months and they "get on well," but "he is extremely tight!" and is "constantly going on about the cost of living and gas and [electricity] it's exhausting."

A couple fighting over money on table.
A stock image of a couple arguing over a pile of cash money on a table. A post about a breakup over a man being "extremely tight" with his money has sparked debate on Mumsnet. iStock/Getty Images Plus

According to a study of 1,072 adults in the U.S. conducted in late 2017 by Ramsey Solutions, a Nashville-based company offering personal finance advice, fights over money were found to be the No. 2 cause of divorce after infidelity.

A September 2012 study of 4,574 couples published in the peer-reviewed Family Relations: Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family Science found that "financial disagreements are stronger predictors of divorce relative to other common marital disagreements."

Speaking to Newsweek, dating expert Emyli Lovz, who is the co-founder of emlovz, a dating service based in San Francisco, said: "Financial differences are the No. 1 cause of failure in relationships," so the problem faced by the person in the Mumsnet post is "not uncommon."

Lovz said: "I don't think it's unfair to end a relationship over financial differences, but I do think the partners should communicate about it first and be willing to work together to change it. This requires patience, understanding, and vulnerability... perhaps this can help the relationship to improve, rather than to lead to its dissolution."

She added: "It's important to know your value in a relationship and to feel deserving of nice things. This speaks to one's sense of self-worth."

To feel worthy of more than what you're getting is "an important factor to consider when deciding whether to stay or leave," Lovz said. You should able to communicate how constant money talk and going to cheap restaurants makes you feel to your partner, she added.

The Mumsnet user wrote that her partner, who is allegedly "a millionaire" landlord with just over 80 properties and no kids, won't take her to a "nice hotel" and continually takes her to "cheap Chinese restaurants."

The Mumsnet user posted: "I'm over it! Usually when I start dating someone it's fun. Weekends away nice meals out you know the honey moon period. But this is miserable and everything we do consists around the price. Now how do I call this off without sounding like some kind of goldigger?"

The user then wrote that she is "happy to go half's but he doesn't want to spend a penny unless he has too."

According to the original poster, the partner's house is beautiful but full of "old furniture" and he has "super flash cars."

The woman wrote that she isn't bothered about the cars he owns, but "it's the meanness and penny pinching on everything that's sucking the fun out of things."

Lovz said: "I wouldn't doubt that he [the partner in the latest post] grew up in a home where money was scarce and as such, is still stuck in the emotional trauma of that experience."

The expert added: "Often, we see someone who has experienced financial issues in childhood becoming hypervigilant around spending, even on themselves." But this could be an opportunity to "heal these old beliefs around money and to move into a healthier mindset of abundance and self-worth."

Lovz said it sounds like his money issues are triggering the user's self-worth issues, and "he probably has some self-worth stuff around the money as well."

But "every trigger in a relationship is an opportunity for healing if you're willing to examine it honestly," said the dating expert. Lovz added that perhaps the original poster could tell their partner what they need in the relationship using a version of the following phrases:

  • If I can make a request, I'd love it if we could avoid talking about the cost of living outside of business hours because it makes me feel drained and stressed.
  • It would also be really nice if we could go to [insert restaurant name] or restaurants like [insert restaurant name] once a week because it would make me feel loved and worthy.
  • I really want our relationship to be fun and feel more carefree, and these changes could really help me to feel more fulfilled in this relationship. Is that something you'd be open to?

In an update in a later post, the original poster wrote: "I have told him now [that they want to end the relationship] but he wants to meet today to speak."

The post sparked debate among Mumsnet users, with some sympathizing with the woman, while one accused her of being a "gold digger."

Gistbury commented: "This would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. I cannot get on with people who penny pinch, particularly when they are well off...people's attitudes to money are pretty stable and impact so many life decisions. This will cause misery in the long term. Run!"

BitOutOfPractice wrote: "there are few things less attractive in a man than being a miser...meanness is very unattractive and often translates into a meanness of spirit in my experience."

Wibbly1008 commented: "run like you are on fire and don't look back...Trust me this ain't getting better."

User arethereanyleftatall asked the original poster: "So have you taken him to nice hotels then? Or out for nice meals? From what you've said it seems you expect him to pay for you, or at best, youll go half's. Why?"

In a later post, arethereanyleftatall wrote: "You're literally the definition of a gold digger... Let him find someone not just after his money."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.

Do you have a similar monetary dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.