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By Daniella Gray
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Only children have long been the subject of stereotypes: they're independent, self-sufficient and happy in their own company.
It's perhaps no surprise, then, that some people believe they're best off dating each other.
But is there any truth to the idea that dating another only child could mean finding someone who deeply understands your upbringing or is it a recipe for complete disaster?
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According to relationship experts, the answer is nuanced, but the idea does reveal some home truths about how family dynamics can shape adult relationships.
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"Only children often grow up with a great deal of adult attention," Silvia Dutchevici, a psychotherapist and founder of the Critical Therapy Institute in New York, told Newsweek. "Many are comfortable with adults early, independent and good at being alone. Some also carry their parents’ hopes and expectations by themselves, with no sibling to share the weight."
But being an only child doesn't automatically determine how someone shows up in a relationship.
Dutchevici argued that while having siblings may provide more opportunities to learn soft skills like compromise and conflict resolution, parental involvement plays a huge part.
"It might seem that siblings offer daily practice in sharing space, sharing power and negotiating—who gets the last cookie, who sits in front, how to make up after a fight," she explained. "But those lessons don’t come automatically. Much depends on how parents guide them."
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Kristine Anthis, a couples therapist and certified matchmaker, agreed that broad generalizations can be misleading.
"What I see is that some only children value solitude and are very comfortable alone, and others feel it as a sense of missing closeness," Anthis told Newsweek. "If both partners are used to having their own space, it helps to talk openly about how much togetherness each person wants. That's about individual patterns, not about being an only child."
Despite longstanding stereotypes, both experts said there is little evidence that only children are inherently selfish, spoiled or socially awkward.
"It’s an old stereotype that has never held up well," Dutchevici said.
Research reviews by psychologist Toni Falbo found that only children generally perform as well as children with siblings on measures of social adjustment and interpersonal relationships.
For some people, however, there can be curiosity about the sibling experience they never had.
Dutchevici said some only children are drawn to partners from large families and enjoy becoming part of a busy family dynamic.
"Others build 'chosen families' of close friends who become like siblings," she added.
So, are only children more compatible with each other?
"There are anecdotes and, mostly, stereotypes," Dutchevici said. "Those are appealing, because we love simple formulas for love. The research we do have is more modest."
She pointed to a 2016 study by sociologists at Ohio State University that analyzed survey data from roughly 57,000 U.S. adults collected between 1972 and 2012.
The researchers found that among people who had ever married, each additional sibling was associated with about a 3 percent lower likelihood of divorce, even after accounting for factors such as education, socioeconomic status, family structure, race, age at marriage and religious affiliation.
The effect appeared to level off at around seven siblings.
However, the practical difference between being an only child and having one or two siblings was relatively small.
The more noticeable gap emerged when comparing only children with people from much larger families.
Dutchevici argued that successful relationships aren't built on finding someone exactly like yourself.
"Love isn’t about finding a mirror," she said. "It’s about learning to be with an other, someone separate from you, with their own history and needs."
When an only child finds themselves thrust into a big family because of the person they're dating, it's common for differences in the relationship to make themselves known.
One common area is personal space.
Anthis said someone from a large family may be accustomed to constant activity, noise and company, while an only child may need time on their own to recharge.
Neither approach is wrong, but misunderstandings can arise when one partner feels crowded and the other feels lonely.
Conflict styles can also differ.
In some large families, arguments may be loud but short-lived. Someone raised without siblings may find that approach stressful or overwhelming.
Conversely, a quieter approach to disagreement may seem cold or distant to someone who grew up in a more vocal household.
Family expectations can be another adjustment.
"Large families often come with many events and obligations, and a partner may be expected to show up," Anthis said. "An only child may be the main person caring for aging parents, which can feel like a different kind of weight."
Anthis advised differences are best addressed through curiosity and communication, rather than assumptions.
"Talk about it early, before it becomes a conflict," she said. "Ask each other what a good holiday looks like, how much family time feels right and what each person expects when parents need care."
Another useful approach is learning to explain needs without criticism.
A partner might say: "A part of me loves your family and another part gets overwhelmed after a few hours. Can we plan a break?"
This lands better than "Your family is too much," Anthis said.
Ultimately, both experts agreed that who someone becomes in a relationship has far more to do with communication, attachment patterns and emotional skills than the number of siblings they grew up with.
Relationships offer people a chance to decide what they want to keep from their families, what they want to leave behind and what they want to create as a couple moving forward.
"Being an only child doesn't tell you who someone is in a relationship," Anthis said. "How they handle closeness, conflict and repair does."
Contact Newsweek editors on this story: Kara Dolman and Dave Siminoff.
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