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By Daniella Gray
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When Mallory Bowman gave birth to her second daughter, it was far from the empowering experience she had envisioned.
The 33-year-old from Calgary, Canada, had planned a home water birth after an emergency c-section 13 years prior.
"I meticulously prepared: hiring a midwife and doula, crafting a detailed birth plan, and creating a serene environment. I thought I had everything covered," she told Newsweek.
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But after a long and grueling 24 hours with no baby, Bowman had exhausted all her methods to withstand the pain and made the decision to transfer to the hospital. When she arrived, it was overwhelming.
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"Despite my birth plan explicitly declining certain interventions, I faced unwanted cervical checks, IV insertions, and a lack of informed consent. I ultimately became so frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed by pain that I was begging for an epidural, a shot of morphine, or anything to alleviate the agony," Bowman said.
Given that Bowman was unable to sit still in order for medical staff to administer an epidural, her only other option presented to her was a c-section under general anesthesia to which she agreed. "In that moment, I didn't care about the risks—I just wanted the pain to stop," she added.
Bowman told Newsweek that on the way to the delivery room via wheelchair, she could feel her baby crowning—she'd even resisted her body's urge to push on the way to the hospital.
It wasn't until she was on the table ready for surgery that the nurses realized. "As they scrambled to make the environment sterile, they yelled at me to push. Within one push, Ava was born," Bowman said.
Following the traumatic delivery, Ava was diagnosed with bilateral pneumothorax, which required her to stay in the NICU, leaving Bowman grappling with feelings of guilt, failure and isolation.
Yet, amid her struggle, one comment she repeatedly heard from friends and family added a sting: "At least she's home now."
While meant as reassurance, Bowman explained that such remarks feel dismissive. "It often feels like they're trying to wrap a bow around an experience that left my heart in pieces. While I understand the sentiment comes from a place of kindness, those words can feel dismissive of the emotional weight of what we went through.
"Yes, I am deeply grateful to have Ava home, but that gratitude doesn't erase the trauma of being separated from her, the helplessness of watching her struggle, or the countless hours spent worrying about her future."
Bowman's story is far from unique. Experts and advocates for postpartum care are calling for a shift in how society supports new mothers, particularly those who endure birth trauma.
Common phrases like "a healthy baby is all that matters" and "healthy mom, healthy baby" can minimize the challenges mothers face, perpetuating the harmful idea that their emotional and physical wellbeing is secondary to the outcome of the birth.
Tina Bitangcol, a labor and delivery nurse and mother of four, emphasized the importance of understanding the nuanced nature of birth trauma. "I think what is being overlooked by a lot of people, is that it doesn't take a major catastrophic event to cause birth trauma," she told Newsweek.
It can result from small things like a lack of communication, being spoken about instead of spoken to, or ignoring a partner's role during delivery. "We have to stop writing off the fact that small events during a major life transition can also cause birth trauma and realize that this is where we can do better," the 43-year-old said.
A post shared by ✨ Tina B, BSN, RN, PNC(C), CBS✨ (@mama_nurse_tina)
Midwife Lesley Gilchrist agreed that the definition of a traumatic birth can be subjective, with many contributing factors. One related to Bowman's experience: a lack of control.
"Feeling that you can't control the situation can also leave women feeling traumatized. For example, pain relief; either being denied it for medical or logistical reasons or deciding not to have any and then needing pain relief may both contribute to birth trauma," she said.
Gilchrist explained that it's vital to ensure mothers are prepared for the reality of birth, the pain relief options available, along with the risks and benefits.
The lack of trauma-informed care in many healthcare settings is also a significant factor. According to Bitangcol, systemic pressures such as overcrowded hospitals, rushed timelines, and staff burnout can lead to a "cookie-cutter approach" to childbirth. This often leaves mothers feeling unheard and unsupported.
For Bowman, these shortcomings were starkly evident. Despite her detailed birth plan, she faced a lack of informed consent, dismissive comments from hospital staff and an emergency delivery that veered far from her hopes for a calm, controlled environment. The experience underscored to her how deeply the healthcare system—and society at large—fails to address the emotional complexity of birth.
Postpartum experts are seeking several changes to minimize birth trauma, starting with better communication. "Even 15 seconds to explain why we are concerned or what we see that's causing the sense of panic they are feeling," said Bitangcol. Human connection, she adds, is equally critical: "Hold their hand, move their hair out of their eyes or wipe a tear away," she said.
Bowman has since shared her story online and has received an outpouring of support from other moms who have experienced traumatic births. One Instagram reel in particular received over 2 million views.
"I'm just so grateful for the chance to share my story and to bring attention to something so many women go through in silence. It's been overwhelming, in the best way, and I hope it keeps helping others feel less alone."
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