Man Backed for Being 'Hurt' Over Wife's Birth Plan, 'Putting Stress on Her'

Commenters supported a man who told his pregnant wife he was "hurt" that she didn't want him in the delivery room.

The anonymous man, who goes by u/husband_birth, shared his situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum, where his posting received more than 7,700 upvotes and 2,700 comments. The post can be found here.

While hospitals are the most common place for individuals to give birth in America, delivery room rules often vary depending on the hospital which can often cause drama about who will be present.

In the article titled "AITA for being hurt that my wife won't allow me to see the birth of our baby and asking for some space?", the man said that his wife is eight months pregnant and is finalizing her birth plan.

Man backed for feeling 'hurt' by wife
Commenters said that although the pregnant wife has every right to decide who is in the delivery room, she cannot police her husband's feelings about not being wanted during the birth. RyanKing999/iStock

He said he was included in the preliminary process, mainly researching and establishing emergency plans, a hospital and a doula.

"I assumed I would be there for the birth but she told me she didn't want me to see my daughter being born," the post read. "She only wants her mother there and I could only come in once it's done to see the baby. It hurt like hell because I was obviously very excited about it."

When he asked his wife her reasoning, she simply said she was "more comfortable" that way. He said he is"on board" with whatever she needs to feel comfortable, but that he's "very hurt" and needs space for a few days.

He said he slept in the guest room and then went to work before his wife arose from her sleep. When she woke up, he said she started blowing up his phone saying it's "unfair to punish her for doing what's best for the baby."

"She called and she was crying and telling me I'm putting so much stress on a pregnant woman for no reason and that I'm an a**hole for that," the post read.

The man said although he doesn't think taking space is wrong, he began wondering if he was in the wrong since his wife was so upset. He added that he is unable to "pretend to be happy" about missing the birth of their first child.

More than 2,700 users commented on the post, many offering support to the man for his disappointment but also praising him for accepting his wife's desires.

"As the pregnant person she gets final say over who is in the room with her as a support person," one user commented. "However, she doesn't have any say over how you feel about it."

"She is allowed to choose whoever she wants in the room and you're allowed to take a day to sort your feelings," another remarked. "You didn't abandon her. You took space to organize your thoughts."

"Tell her that just like she had a while to figure out what it is she wants, you need a bit to process your feelings about it," one comment read. "You're not trying to control her or tell her she can't have the birthing experience she thinks would best support her, you just need some time to come to grip with your feelings about it."

Many users also suggested that maybe the wife was "insecure" about what she would look like during labor and that is why she doesn't want the man in the delivery room.

"My husband was told from so many people to not be there for the birth or 'look' because it will ruin sex for him forever," one user commented. "It's possible maybe people are feeding your wife these same stories and it's made her insecure and worried."

According to VeryWellFamily, partners are not always allowed in the delivery room, especially if there are complications or during some cesareans. But evidence shows that having a companion of choice in the delivery room can improve the birth and postpartum.

The World Health Organization (WHO) strongly recommends giving every individual the right to choose who is in the delivery room, whether that be a family, friend, or partner.

"The benefits of labor companionship can also include shorter length of time in labor, decreased cesarean section and more positive health indicators for babies in the first five minutes after birth," according to the WHO.

Newsweek reached out to u/husband_birth for comment.

Stories related to pregnancy had been in the news of late. In March, another woman went viral after telling her "mean" husband that she didn't want him in the delivery room.

One man was blasted for planning a European vacation after doctors told his 33-week-pregnant wife to "take it easy."

And another was criticized for telling his pregnant wife he hopes the baby looks "nothing like her."