Dad Lambasted for Leaving Wife With High-Risk Pregnancy on Overseas Trip

A dad is being lambasted online for planning to go on a celebratory 10-day trip to Europe while his wife is 33 weeks pregnant—and her doctors ordered her to "take it easy" to boot.

Reddit user u/mneis927272 shared her story to the popular r/AmITheA**hole subreddit, asking if she was wrong for being uneasy about her husband's planned trip. She earned over 8,300 upvotes and 1,300 comments for her post, "AITA for making my husband feel bad about going on a trip while I'm 33 weeks pregnant (high risk)?"

She says that her husband is planning on going on an all-expenses-paid trip to Europe with coworkers—and he's also planning to spend an extra couple of days to visit family. When he'll be gone, though, she'll be in her 33rd week of a high-risk pregnancy with their second child.

"Although I really would love for him to go and have some fun, there's several reasons why I'm not feeling good about him going on this trip," the original poster (OP) wrote, laying out a list of reasons she's not thrilled about the timing.

Top of the list, of course, is that it's a high-risk pregnancy. The couple's first child was born prematurely, and her pregnancy has the same issue—though she says that the medication she's been prescribed to stop this from happening appears to be working.

Even though she's on track to have a normal pregnancy, there's still a chance the new baby could also be premature—and a recent test showed that she's at a higher risk of pre-eclampsia, a medical condition that can be very dangerous to both mother and fetus, and the cause of 15 percent of premature births, according to the Cleveland Clinic.

The couple also has a toddler, which she would have to take care of while her husband is gone. However, her doctors told her she can't lift anything, including the tot, and needs to be careful not to do too much. Not just that, but they moved to a new country, and don't really have connections with people yet, meaning that if something did happen, she wouldn't know who to call.

In addition to the increased medical risks, OP says that since her first child was born during the 32nd week of pregnancy, it's an emotionally fraught time for her. The child spent two months in the hospital, and through all that time, they were worried he wouldn't survive.

"Hitting the 32 weeks will be a milestone, but at the same time brings back memories. I'm just not feeling very confident, the further along I get," she wrote.

As for the trip itself—not only is it 10 days long, the trip is 15 hours away by flight, not counting the layover between the two flights needed to get there. It's also a famous party destination.

"There will be a lot of alcohol and whatnot involved, making a potential 'emergency' flight home impossible. I feel this is inconsiderate and irresponsible considering the situation," u/mneis927272 wrote.

"Although I don't want to be the one telling him he can't go, I have mentioned to him that I feel uncomfortable with him going on this trip. He says he feels bad for going, but does not consider cancelling," she added.

pregnant high-risk europe trip aita reddit viral
A mom asked if she was wrong for not wanting her husband to go on a trip overseas while she's going to be in week 33 of a high-risk pregnancy. iStock/Getty

A support system is one of the most important things needed in a high-risk pregnancy, according to the Signature Perinatal Center. It also recommends joining a high-risk pregnancy support group, or a Facebook group dedicated to the subject. Just because OP doesn't have many people they can reach out to in person, those methods can help provide a safety net.

Two related bits of pertinent advice the center has for someone going through a high-risk pregnancy: "Put your self-care first" and "Address mental health concerns." The center urges people avoid stress, exercise and eat healthily to help work toward an easy delivery. But it's also important to keep one's mind healthy during this time.

These recommendations from the Signature Perinatal Center all seem to point to one answer, and Reddit agreed: Her husband should stay home.

"[Not the A**hole]. If your husband is old enough to be a husband and father, he's old enough to put his wants aside and focus on his duties: to you, to your toddler, and to your as-yet-unborn baby," u/ElleEmGee wrote in the top-rated comment, earning 14,300 upvotes. "Given all the risk factors for your pregnancy, he [would be the a**hole] if he went on this trip anyway. He needs to be at home, helping with the toddler, and making sure you're following doctors' orders to protect your baby.

"Will it suck for him? Yes. Is it a bummer? Absolutely? Does that change things? No. Being an adult means making hard choices, and this is one of those times," they continued.

"OP, show him the comments on this post. If he decides to go anyway, then you know where you (along with your toddler and unborn baby) fall on his priority list. He would rather party and travel than take care of his responsibilities, and that's just plain s**tty. I'd reconsider my marriage over something so blatantly selfish and disrespectful as this," u/macd0g suggested.

"She should not be the primary one caring for the toddler now let alone at 32 weeks," u/Throwawayhater3343 wrote. "[Not the A**hole] OP, this trip shouldn't even be on the table without there being a nurse and nanny scheduled full time to be with you while he's gone. I really hope you and the new sprout get through this OK but your husband is NOT being a husband or father right now."

"The toddler that she can't pick up is the part that is making me crazy. Like, has her husband even provided any ideas on how to take care of their child for 10 days when she's alone and isn't able to lift him? I'd rethink my whole marriage if my husband left me in this situation to go party," u/topania agreed.

Newsweek reached out to u/mneis927272 for comment.